


Mass Effect: Half-Moon

by TheGardenState



Series: Mark of the Moon [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Horizon (Mass Effect), Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Post-Horizon (Mass Effect), Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 29,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGardenState/pseuds/TheGardenState
Summary: He had never seen her legs in such close proximity, or even much at all. Garrus thought about it and realized he’d never seen her in shorts or a dress short enough to reveal on the back of her thigh. There lie what looked to be a tattoo, one that looked almost identical to his, aside from the fact that it completed his. It was a half moon. A left half. The half he was missing.





	1. After Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> Just writing drama between my Shepard and Garrus, because what's life without saving the galaxy and a little bit of romance?

The clink of an empty bottle onto the glass table was the last thing Valerie Shepard wanted to hear. She groaned and pulled a large t-shirt over her head and stumbled towards the door. Being still coherent, and only slightly off balanced, she decided she needed another bottle. Since the crew returned from the Horizon mission earlier that evening Valerie immediately went to her cabin and locked the door. She spent the time naked, reading the logs repeatedly, and finishing a large bottle of whisky. Sporting fresh bruises from the day’s task, and wearing nothing but an oversized white Cerberus issued t-shirt and a pair of her favorite soft, pink cotton underwear, she set off on her own mission. 

Valerie usually needed whisky after a day full of conflict and death. They made her nightmares silence, leaving her comatose and hazy. Not the ideal sort of rest someone of this job caliber needed, but it was better than being kept awake by the resonating sounds of gunfire and the smell of blood. Today was different though, it was collectors and husks, they were emotionless, no screams could be heard, no guilt to be felt. 

The reason for the whiskey tonight was Kaiden. One of her closest friends, and he was much more than that to her. She remembered the last words he said to her, “I loved you, I trusted you.” Loved. Trusted. That means it was a feeling he had once before, and now was lost. They had been through so much together on the SR1, she trusted him so dearly. Love would have been a word to describe her feelings for him too. The look on his face was so intense, he was hurt that she didn't try to contact him. When she woke, she thought everyone was dead, or lost, or had forgotten about her. To her, it felt like forever had past, so she had assumed that it felt forever and two years to Kaiden. When Cerberus told her what was going on, she was so intent on her goals she forgot about old friends and lost loves. 

And honestly, Garrus had been taking up a lot of thoughts lately. Since finding him again, they had spent a lot of together, whether it be on missions or at the bars. Unlike most people she had come back into contact with since her disappearance, being around him made her feel normal. Like no time had past. It was like they hadn't skipped a beat. Everyone else made her feel the two years, but she couldn't blame them. 

She thought about how nice it was to see old faces. Chakwas, Joker, and Garrus. They all were happy to hear of her return, and didn’t think twice about joining her cause, even if it was under the supervision of the enemy.  Kaiden’s reaction to her was something she did not expect to happen, even though he knew how she felt about Cerberus. She thought surely he would know that she loathed Cerberus as much as him, and she had just saved his life from collectors. Surely he would know that she would never betray his trust, let alone risk the lives of her crew members for an unjust cause. She thought that their love would pull him back on the Normandy with her. 

“Some understanding would have been nice,” she mumbled as she crept through the dark corridors of the Normandy. The ship was quiet in the late hours of the night, everyone resting from the hard battle that was brought upon them that day. Valerie found her way into the lounge in the Port Observation area, she left the lights off so she could gaze at the stars. They lit the way to the small, well stocked bar on the right end of the room. She clumsily made her way to the shelf behind the bar. Whiskey. She needed whiskey. Her eyes scanned the rows of liquor on display and found it on the highest shelf. She grabbed the step stool and reached for the brown bottle when the sudden opening of the door startled her. As Valerie turned to see who had entered the room, she elbowed a bottle of red liquor onto the floor and cursed under her breath.

“I’m sorry Shepard, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Garrus said as he hurried to help clean the mess on the floor. 

“It’s fine, Garrus,” she said as she picked up the glass. She reached for the biggest shard from the ground her hand slipped.

“Let me get something for that,” Garrus said hurriedly as his eyes darted around the room for anything that would provide help has her blood trickled on the floor. Immediately, she ripped off the sleeve of her shirt and tied it around her hand.

“Don’t worry about it Garrus,” she said, half laughing. She looked up at him, her eyes met his. He looked concerned, but understood what she was going through. He could tell she was upset about today, her face didn’t show it, but he knew if he felt bad about what happened with Kaiden today, she was feeling it a lot worse. 

“What were you reaching for, Shepard?” Garrus helped her up and walked her to the nearby couch. She slumped heavily into it.

“Whiskey, please, on the top shelf,” she murmured, eyes closed. Garrus thought she looked almost peaceful. “And I’ve told you, call me Valerie, we’ve been friends long enough, it’s just the two of us here right now.”

“Sorry, Valerie. It just seems so... informal sometimes,” he said to her as he swiped the whiskey off the top shelf and brought over two glasses.

“I’m drunk, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, you really think I’m in the mood for formalities right now?” she laughed. Garrus hadn’t noticed that she was half naked, he blushed and looked away. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize… I…” he stuttered, Valerie always made him so nervous.

“Don’t worry, nothing good is visible,” she said jokingly. “Come, sit, let’s drink.”

Garrus sat next to her and poured the liquor into the glasses. Valerie immediately began drinking. Her once happy and joking demeanor had disappeared, she stared off into the stars with a cold look on her face. Garrus took a sip, and glanced over at her, noticing a difference in how she just was. He swore he almost saw tears well up in her eyes, but maybe that was just the reflection of the stars. Never in his life has he seen her cry, and he didn’t even think she had the possibility to. Sure, he had seen plenty of humans cry. Humans were very emotional and complex. Valerie Shepard was complex, yes. But emotional? That was a whole different story. Garrus has witnessed her laugh and smile. So he knew she felt happiness to some extent. 

He had seen her kill with her bare hands, she always threw her body into battle fully. Could that be anger? He knew she bickered with Miranda and the Illusive Man, more from dissent than anger though. If someone tried to cross someone she loved though, she wouldn’t even think twice about retaliating. That could be from anger, but that seems mainly like it stems from a place of love. 

When she had lost Ashley on Virmire, she was silent. Silent for several days it felt like to him, because she loved to chat. When she loses someone, she is quiet. Maybe that is how she carries her sadness, maybe that is how she grieved. Maybe the reason why she wasn’t speaking to him how was because she felt she lost Kaiden.

Valerie continued to drink, her eyes were heavy and she was still deep in the couch. Garrus noticed her cheeks were more flushed than normal, and she started to mumble quietly.

“Is everything okay, Sh...Valerie?” he asked her. Her eyes opened to meet his, he then realized that the sparkle in her eyes wasn’t the reflection of the stars in her eyes.

“He doesn’t trust me anymore…” she said sadly, “He was one of my best friends. After all that we went though, he just left…” 

The hurt in her voice made Garrus feel the same pain. He and Kaiden were close too. 

“He’ll come around,” he reassured her.

“I understand why he wouldn’t. Fucking Cerberus bastards. I don’t understand why anyone would trust me anymore. They brought me back from being dead,” she paused, Garrus knew she had more to say, but she looked at a loss for words because of the whiskey, “why did you come back with me, Garrus?”

Garrus took a sip before answering, wanting to make sure his words sounded genuine.

“You are the best damn commander in this galaxy, probably in this whole universe. I trust you with my life. I’d be stupid to not follow your lead,” he looked over at her, “and you are one of my best friends.”

“You’re one of my best friends too Garrus,” she said, smiling, wiping away a tear that had fallen from her eye. Garrus wrapped one arm around her and gave her a small squeeze, she rested her head against him, “I missed you,” she mumbled.

“I missed you a lot, Shep,” his voice was shaky. “When they told me they weren’t able to locate you, or the Normandy, I didn’t know what to do with myself, couldn’t stand taking orders from someone other than you, so I went off and took things into my own hands. Lived a life I thought you’d be proud of; vigilantism,” he chuckled, “But now we’re kicking ass side by side, just like old times.”

“Yeah… Feels just as it did before, I just feel a little more alive now,” she rested her hand on his thigh. “It’s strange to think I lived a whole life before this moment. I was dead for two years, and suddenly I am thrown back into craziness.”

“I guess you really never did get the adequate time to decompress, huh?” 

“I mean… It’s not like wanted to retire or anything, I just wanted a small vacation after being resurrected from the dead and before being shot at by an unknown alien that’s kidnapping colonies of humans,” she said sarcastically. They both laughed and drank more. 

Garrus let her rest against him, he was enjoying the view of the stars, and he wouldn’t deny it was nice to have someone leaning on him. It had been forever since he’s gotten this close to a female, work had always gotten in the way for him. It was weird to think that the time spent with Valerie would be more than just friendship. After all, she was just with Kaiden. He didn't know if she still had feelings for him, and it was awkward standing there by her as they fought about lost time. 

After a few minutes, she began snoring, which woke Garrus as he dozed off as well. He moved slowly and lifted her up to bring her back to her cabin. She nudged close to him as she slept, murmuring every so often. She was very light in his arms, he was surprised, he expected her to be heavier because she was very muscular for her stature. 

She was tiny compared to him though, she was tiny compared to most, it was almost cute to him. Almost being that he found her to be quite attractive for a human. She had a very nice waist with curves any turian female would kill for. Plenty of humans and Asari sought after her, so he didn’t feel as crazy for being attracted to her. 

What drew him in most wasn’t her looks though, it was something much deeper. He knew her as the great Commander Valerie Shepard. She lived up to her legacy too; she was a skilled soldier with biotic powers that outrank most those with the capabilities, and she was a fierce leader who was able to rally together species from all ends the galaxy together for a cause greater than what anyone could imagine. Above all, she was a good friend, and it was so easy to confide in her, and nothing but laughter could be heard from her and her colleagues. For something that was supposed to be just another tiny human in this vast galaxy, something that was so common and so insignificant seeming, she proved herself to be extraordinary.

Garrus laid her down in her bed and pulled the covers over her, she turned a bit and then resumed snoring. She looked at peace. She was a 120 pound, 5 feet tall killing machine, he knew it, he’s seen it. It was strange to see her in a state like this. He wonder what she dreamed of as she slept. She rolled onto her stomach and the blanket fell off of her. He saw the back of her right thigh and his heart sank into his stomach.

He had never seen her legs in such close proximity, or even much at all. Garrus thought about it and realized he’d never seen her in shorts or a dress short enough to reveal on the back of her thigh. There lie what looked to be a tattoo, one that looked almost identical to his, aside from the fact that it completed his. It was a half moon. A left half. The half he was missing. 

He panicked and walked out and headed towards the elevator to the main battery as fast as he could. He let his mind wander as he descended to the 3rd level of the Normandy. Soulmarks were not a big deal to most, because most would never get the chance to meet their partners. It was a huge universe, and there were so many people, that the chances of one finding the person they belonged to was slim to none.

_ It all makes sense now,  _ he thought. When he lost contact with the Normandy, and learned that Shepard was most likely killed in the line of duty, his mark faded slightly, but a few weeks before they met again it had gained some of its depth back _. Because she came alive again. Because… she’s my soulmate? _

He thought of the first time he saw her, how he did a double take because he was so taken aback by her at first glance, she was so small and he wondered who on Earth would give her a gun and would make armor that small. But then she spoke, and she was a lot bigger than that. Never before had he been attracted to any human. He pictured what it would be like to be with Shepard. He wondered what it would be like to hold her hand, to feel her soft, pink lips. He imagined holding her small hand in his and taking a stroll on a calm beach, taking that vacation she talked about wanting. 

He quickly shook the thoughts from his head. 

_ That’s your Commander,  _ he thought to himself. He knew it could never work out. Humans and turians never got along and she always had some person pursuing her. A person who was a little more biologically closer to her species. She was probably one of the most desired woman in the galaxy and Garrus just felt like… Garrus. He didn’t feel extraordinary. Not as extraordinary as he thought Commander Shepard was.


	2. Soulmark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know what to say, something along the lines of I love you and I’ve loved you since I met you, but maybe that was too much. Should he show her his mark as well? He started to mutter something but was interrupted by Joker on the intercom.
> 
> “Commander Shepard, the Illusive Man wants to meet you in the Comm room as soon as you can.”

Garrus walked through the doors of the Observation Area of the ship, he wasn’t specifically looking for Shepard, but he knew there was a high probability of her being there. Missions were tough but it was nice having the rest of whatever was left of the day off to decompress. Today’s mission went extremely well, it wasn’t easy by any means, but the results were positive. A quarian ship crashed on a desolate planet covered with varren. A break was needed after the events of today. Yes, there was always the threat of the collectors and whoever, or whatever else was after them, but Shepard thought it was imperative for the team to have some time for themselves after a physically demanding mission. 

The window was wide opened and he saw Valerie laying on the couch on her stomach, her legs were swinging through the air. Her hair had a small pink bow that held part of it back, and she wore a white tank top and black, silk shorts. She was intently reading, the table tablet sitting on the couch as she held a glass of liquor in her right hand. She looked up at him and smiled sweetly.

“Hello Garrus,” she said. Valerie was always in a good mood after a successful mission with little damage to the crew. She was a chipper person in general. Even with the galaxy on the brink of war and the fate of it resting on her shoulders, she always seemed so happy, and Garrus appreciated that very much about her. She knew when to be serious and stern, but also knew when to let loose. 

“Hey Shep,” he replied as he poured himself a glass, “mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” she said. Garrus took a seat in a smaller couch by her and took a sip. He let it all sink in, it was peaceful, seeing her relaxed and smiling. She was humming softly and drinking, her cheeks flushed meaning she was already a few drinks in. He couldn’t help but notice how soft her body looked, and how weirdly attracted to her curves he was. Turians had such hard, strong lines. Something he’s always enjoyed, but this was new, and tempting. 

Even with her being so small, but muscular in structure, she had an edge to her. The scars on her face from her death were still new to him, but the tattoos on her arms were still the same. He rarely ever saw her legs though. His eyes scanned her and he saw the half moon imprint on the back of her thigh, the one that matched his. His heart fluttered when he saw it.

“What are you reading?” he asked her. 

She laughed, “Do you want to know the truth? Or what I would tell anyone else who would ask me?”

“Hmm… Give me both.” 

Valerie’s smile made his heart melt. She looked up from the tablet, took a swig of her drink, and cleared her throat.

“Well,” she said proudly, “if you were anyone else, I would tell you that I’m reading today’s mission briefing and reading the intel for our next mission.”

“My, my Commander, a hard worker you are,” Garrus said sarcastically.

“Since you’re Garrus Vakarian, my friend, I will tell you the truth and that I am not actually working and I am in fact, reading Harry Potter.”

“Harry Potter? What is that?”

She shook her head and chuckled. “It’s one of Earth’s greatest treasures. It’s a series about a boy who is magic and he goes to a magic school where he learns how to defeat The Dark Lord.”

Garrus looked at her, confused, which made her laugh more. She spent the next few minutes explaining the plot, how Harry lost his parents, how he was placed in a home that didn’t want him, and how he was the chosen one. She also had to explain to him what and how magic worked. Garrus was left with more questions then he had answered, but he loved to hear Shepard talk about human things, she had so much passion in her voice. 

As she spoke, he felt his eyes drift towards her thigh, he examined the mark intently, and his thoughts wandered again. He thought of how she would react when, if, he showed her his matching mark. 

“Garrus Vakarian are you staring at my ass?” Valerie asked slyly.

“Oh.. uh… no… I was just…” he stuttered, lost for words and completely caught off guard, he’d be blushing if it were possible for him. 

“I mean it’s completely fine,” she said laughing, “I’m flattered but I didn’t know you were an ass guy. Thought turians liked straighter lines.”

He swallowed hard, “I wasn’t staring at your… gluteus maximus, although it is quite maximus, I was just looking at your tattoo there. I haven’t seen it before… When did you get it done?”

She couldn’t stop laughing, “Oh this ugly thing? I didn’t quite get it done.” Her laugh faded a bit but she still had a small smile on her face, “It came up out of nowhere, woke up with it one day, a little after I joined the Alliance.”

“So.. it’s a soulmark?” he asked, he knew, but he didn’t want her to know that she did. 

“I guess so,” Valerie’s smile had gone. Garrus started to worry about what she was going to say next. “It doesn’t matter though, I’m not worried about it. I’m not going out of my way to look for who has the other half. Some people spend their whole lives doing that, most people don’t even come close to finding it. I have more important things than love to worry about.” 

“What about Kaiden?” 

“What about him?”

“Fair enough,” he said. His heart hurt a little, her words were hard to process.

“I assume you got one too,” she said, smiling again, “planning on finding your soulmate?” asking jokingly.

“Uh... “ he was feeling shaky, “maybe one day.” He fiddled with the glass in his hand.

Her smile disappeared again, as she thought of the possibility of Garrus with another girl. The thought of him telling her that he didn’t care about his soulmark like she did crossed her mind. She was desperate for him to say those words but he sat there, silent. She turned back to her tablet, she was too distracted to read, but didn’t want to look up from the words on the screen in front of her. She didn’t know why she felt so hurt by knowing that he had a soulmark as well, so she brushed off the feeling. 

After moments of sitting in the quiet, Garrus broke the silence.

“Do you ever feel like you’re the chosen one?” he asked her.

“What?”

He cleared his throat nervously, “Like Harry Potter? You know… he was the chosen one to defeat Volde-uhh. Voldemort? Is that it? Voldemort. Do you think that’s like you, but for Collectors or Reapers?”

Valerie lost it, she was laughing so hard she held her stomach because she was in so much pain. Garrus couldn’t help but laugh too. 

“I don’t think I was chosen, I just… was given the opportunity and I took it. I feel like there would have been a lot of other people that would do the same thing.”

“You really think that there is another person who would willingly be walking into a suicide mission to save anyone but themselves?”

“You are. The rest of this team is.”

“Because of you. You’re the most fearless and selfless person in this galaxy. People follow you because they know it’s for a good cause, and that there is hope of survival.”

Valerie sat there and let those words sink in. She felt the weight of everything and everyone depending on her to do well. It wasn’t a new feeling by any means, but it wasn’t pleasant either.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she asked him, knowing that she never needed to ask him.

“You have a bad habit of telling me secrets when you’re drinking, Shepard, but go for it anyways,” he laughed, “it’s my favorite part of the week.”

She rolled onto her back and finished the contents of her glass. 

“I’m not fearless, I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of talking to people, I’m scared of losing people, I’m scared of killing people. Every time I walk off the Normandy for a mission I am terrified. There’s just this thing inside me though, really deep down, that makes me do it. I have to always prove to myself that I can do it. No matter how scared I am there’s always that voice telling me to do it. I think that’s why I’m in this situation. I think that’s why I became an N7, a Spectre, and now the frontline of this all out battle, but the one thing that I am most terrified to do is show my feelings, that’s something I can’t get over, and I think only the bravest people in the galaxy can do that” she sighed deeply and poured another drink for herself.

“I think that’s what makes you the bravest person I know,” he said to her. He genuinely meant it. There wasn’t a person in this whole universe that could ever beat her out.

“You will meet braver,” she said, “someone who will be brave enough to share their feelings with you, to give their heart to you, and it will give you the courage to do the same. You won’t look at me the same one day, you will just see Valerie Shepard, and that is true because without this war that is all I am - Valerie Shepard.” 

Garrus looked stunned, he was finding the words to say to her but it was all too much for him to process.

“I like you, Garrus, like more than just a friend.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but he froze. He didn’t know what to say, something along the lines of I love you and I’ve loved you since I met you, but maybe that was too much. Should he show her his mark as well? He started to mutter something but was interrupted by Joker on the intercom.

“Commander Shepard, the Illusive Man wants to meet you in the Comm room as soon as you can.”

She slammed the rest of her drink down and and got up immediately. Shepard looked over her shoulder at him and paused to give him a chance to say something, to redeem himself from the hole he dug. He just sat there, shocked and lost for words. She was upset that he didn’t say anything to her, and just sat there and looked confused. She left and walked swiftly to the elevator. She was dizzy, and wanted another drink desperately. Their conversation made her feel sick, she wouldn’t understand why she felt so strongly towards him. She was embarrassed, and more than that; hurt.

_ Clear your mind, you’re about to walk into another hell hole,  _ she thought to herself. She had to bring herself to a leveled state, because talking to the Illusive Man was not what she was wanting to deal with, but it was a necessary evil. Valerie hated him, she hated Cerberus, but she had to remind herself of her goals. 

“Hello Commander,” Kelly chirped at her upon her arrival on the CIC level, she nodded and smiled but quickly walked to the Comm room. 

“Joker, patch me though.”

The room dimmed and then the silhouetted, blue lights of the hologram came through to shape the Illusive Man. She crossed her arms and waited for him to speak. His glowing eyes pierced her, and she had nothing but distaste in the moment, the bottle of whiskey she finished didn’t even help to make the situation any tolerable. 

“Shepard,” he said, “we caught a break, I intercepted a distress signal from a turian patrol, they stumbled upon a Collector ship past the Korlus system. The turians were wiped out but that’s not before disabling the ship. I need you to board that ship and get hard data on the Collectors, find us a way to their homeworld.” 

“Send me the coordinates, I’ll take care of it.”

“Already sent,” the room lit up again and he was gone.

“Joker, punch in that location, let’s see how far it is.”

“Let’s go get us a Collector Ship,” Joker snickered.


	3. Before Collector Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “EDI, have the squad meet me in the Comm room in 10, please,” Valerie directed as she pulled out a holoboard and started writing the details she received on her PDA. Planning these missions usually came easy to her, but this was different. Usually they were walking into an unknown, but after what happened on Horizon, she had absolutely no idea what this would look like. The threat seemed so dangerous, even if the ship was disabled, she feared the worst would be finding out what’s on it.

“EDI, have the squad meet me in the Comm room in 10, please,” Valerie directed as she pulled out a holoboard and started writing the details she received on her PDA. Planning these missions usually came easy to her, but this was different. Usually they were walking into an unknown, but after what happened on Horizon, she had absolutely no idea what this would look like. The threat seemed so dangerous, even if the ship was disabled, she feared the worst would be finding out what’s on it.

Thane was the first to arrive to the Comm room. He came in quietly and stood next to Valerie. His eyes scanned the board, and he looked at her.

“A collector ship? Fascinating,” he put his hand on his chin, “Fleet of turians dead? Not a good sign.”

“None of this really is, but we are looking for data on board, anything about how to get through the Omega 4 relay,” her hand was shaky as she continued to write.

“Is everything alright, Siha?” 

She cleared her throat, Valerie had a bad feeling about this mission, it seemed off to her, and overly dangerous, but she brushed off it off because she linked her nerves about this to the Horizon mission that just this past week.

“Everything is fine, Thane, thank you.”

He nodded and backed away from her, knowing that she was wanting some space as the room filled with the other team members. Once she was done writing, she turned and Explained what the Illusive Man had found and told her. There was a slight murmur among the group, and Valerie listened to the hum of voices. 

“OH YES,” Grunt called out, “COLLECTOR SHIP IS OURS TO TAKE.”

Valerie couldn’t help but smile, Grunt’s comments seemed to always hit a soft spot in her, and she appreciated him greatly for his lightheartedness. She looked around at all the other faces in the room. Miranda looked unphased, which was expected, she figured she’d have a heads up from the Illusive Man. Jack just looked pissed off, but when did she not? The only person who looked worried was Garrus, but maybe that was just Valerie reading too deep into him.

“This isn’t going to be an easy mission, we are walking into a very big unknown here. We are prepared for the worst, but chances are, we haven’t seen anything close to the worst yet. This mission is different, and I don’t want to force anyone into it. That’s why for this ship, I am taking volunteers, I trust that I will have each position filled because I trust this team, and I know what you guys are capable of.” 

Most everyone nodded in approval, some of them looked at her, concerned because they usually knew she was the woman with a plan, and this time, she needed their help deciding something so important.

“For this mission I need a front gunman,” Grunt beat his chest with one fist when he heard this, “a tech specialist, and a sniper. I expect you all to talk this over and let me know by midnight. We have a lot to prepare.”

With that, Valerie exited the Comm room and left the squad in silence. 

Grunt was the first to speak as he saw Shepard leave the room, “I call first gunman!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk this over?” asked Jacob, concerned with how fast he was to react.

“No need for talk. I was born for this,” he replied in his heavy voice.

Miranda looked around at the tech specialists in the room, “I think it best for Mordin to stay back and help in medical if needed.”

“I agree,” said Tali, “I volunteer to go.” 

Kasumi raised her hand, “I can go as well.”

“Tali spoke up first, so she gets first dibs,” Miranda ordered. Tali nodded in approval.

“Okay, so we have Grunt and Tali,” Miranda looked at Zaeed, Thane, and Garrus. 

“I will go,” Thane chimed in.

“Thane,” Garrus said in a hushed but urgent voice, ”you have your son to worry about, let me go.”

“I cannot live in that fear, for knowing what we have coming ahead.”

“Thane, I will go. You have a lot more than me here. And, if anything, this gives you time.”

Thane nodded at Garrus, “As you wish.”

“So that settles it, we have Grunt, Tali, and Garrus,” Miranda pulled out her omni tool, “Shepard wants to meet the volunteers individually in her cabin a some point tonight. Everyone, get rest in the meantime.”

Everyone filed out to exit the room and Thane grabbed Garrus arm and held him back a bit.

“You are a good man, Garrus. I am grateful you are watching over Shepard, she needs a good eye from above.”

“At the rate she runs into enemy fire? I wouldn’t send her anywhere without you or me as a sniper.”

“I don’t much trust the human, Zaeed, yet,” he said in a whisper.

“Neither do I.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Grunt was the first to enter the commander’s cabin. He came in, tall and proud, excited for this mission,

“I was hoping it would be you, Grunt.”

She’s always felt motherly towards him, she had never wanted to be a mother herself but she shared a certain bond with him since she woke him down on the engineering deck. She felt most sad for him because he never got the chance to be a kid krogan, whatever that entailed. She was happy to praise him and make him feel valued.

“Yes,” he said, “these human soldiers are weak. Shepard needs strong front. I am strong front and back… strong sides too.”

“Thank you for volunteering,” Shepard said, and went in for a hug.

“You are so tiny, but so strong. Like tiny baby krogan.”

She laughed and dismissed him from her cabin to get some rest. She was waiting for the tech specialist next, and she already had an assumption on who it would be.

“Commander,” Tali said as she entered the room. Valerie motioned at the seat next to her at her desk.

“How are you Tali?” 

“I am well, Commander, and happy to be assisting you on this mission,” she said, slightly nervous. 

“Thank you for doing this, it means a lot to me.”

“Shepard, I owe you my life. You are the one in this whole galaxy whom I trust completely. And I will do my best.”

“I know, Tali, I trust you as well,” she paused, “The reason I had you come here, on your own, was because I wanted to know that if, IF, anything were to happen to you, would like to send a message to your family.” 

“Oh Shepard, that would mean a lot to me if we did.”

“I know we can’t say much about what we’re doing now, but something is better than nothing,” she handed Tali a PDA. When Tali finished her message, she gave the PDA back to Valerie. 

“I will give this to Miranda, and when we come back from this mission,” she gave a smile to Tali, “we are going to delete this together.”

Tali hugged Shepard and exited the room. The sniper was coming up next, she knew she had 3 skilled snipers aboard, but deep down, she was hoping Garrus would walk through those doors but at the same time she wanted nothing to do with him. She sat at her computer and continued to type reports when she heard the door open and a rush of relief came over her.

“Commander,” Garrus said as he made his way over to her. He was nervous, and wished he could travel back in time to change what happened between the two of them only an hour ago. 

“Take a seat, Garrus,” she said.

_ It was a mistake, you didn’t mean it, just take it back, don’t ruin your friendship with Garrus.  _

He took the seat next to her and faced her, “Valerie, can we talk about what happened earlier?”

Her heart ached, she looked at him and forced a smile, “Don’t worry about it, I barely remember, I was drunk, and I didn’t mean any of it.” She held one of his talons in her hand, “thank you for volunteering. I was hoping you’d be coming along. Aside from Thane, I don’t know who else I would trust watching my back.”

“I wouldn’t trust anyone else watching your back. This is what we do best, you and I,” he tried to hide the sadness he felt, he ruined his chance with her, and he didn’t think there was a way to recover from this.

Those words melted into her brain, _ That’s right, what you do best is work together, nothing more,  _ Valerie thought to herself. 

“We’re a team, Vakarian,” she smiled at him. “Now, I’m assuming you know what this is about?”

Garrus nodded and held out his hand and accept the PDA, he typed what he needed to for his family. When he finished he set the PDA down on the table. He watched Shepard type on her computer, her fingers moved so fast, there were so many of them. He wanted to blurt out that he loved her and wanted to be with her and he didn’t think of anyone else but her, but he kept quiet. 

“You should get some rest, Garrus, we have a long day tomorrow.”

 


	4. The Collector Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Time to suit up,” she said, giving Joker’s shoulder one more tight squeeze as she walked towards the the airlock. She still felt a little awkward around Garrus, but tried to avoid any further incidences in relation to her confessing her love to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and not so sweet.

Valerie stood behind Joker as the Normandy drew closer to the anomaly floating among debris and broken ship pieces. Her hand reached over for his shoulder and gave a tight squeeze, he looked up at her, worry was in his eyes but he smiled at her nonetheless. She was Valerie Shepard, she never failed a mission, and always came back alive. He believed in her and her ability to come back alive because hell, even when she thought she was dead she came back better than ever.

 

Joker had felt nothing but guilt since her death, he felt so selfish for choosing to save the Normandy and risking the life of his commander. He blamed himself and for the two years she was gone, he didn't have a night where he didn't think about it. Before then, they used to pick on each other all the time. Making inappropriate jokes that lead to more jokes and then eventually a verbal fight. That was just how they were though, their personalities are so similar that there was bound to be bickering, but in the end they just wanted the best for each other, and they cared deeply, as much as they hated to admit it. 

 

Since she came back, Joker tried his best to make things up to her. He tried not to give her too much mouth, he avoiding picking on her even if she was her same joking self. She noticed the difference, and wished things were back the way they were, but this was his way of giving himself peace, so she didn’t fight it. As much as she wished things were the same between them, they never will be. 

 

“This thing is fucking huge,” Valerie said, “it better give us some answers.”

Garrus trailed in looking over the plans on a PDA, he glanced up through the window at the massive ship in front of them. He turned to Valerie and she met his gaze. 

 

“Time to suit up,” she said, giving Joker’s shoulder one more tight squeeze as she walked towards the the airlock. She still felt a little awkward around Garrus, but tried to avoid any further incidences in relation to her confessing her love to him.

 

Valerie pulled her armor on and tested her Omni tool to make sure things were in line, Garrus followed in and started doing the same. She avoided his eyes this time, but he slowly made his way towards her. He was so scared, but he reached out for her and his hand grabbed her arm gently and pulled her closer to him slowly.

 

“Garrus… don't…” she didn't fight it, she wanted it, but not like this.

 

He pulled her into his arms and pressed his where his lips would be against her forehead, they stood close to each other for a while until Tali and Grunt arrived. They pulled away from each other quickly and awkwardly. 

 

“You guys ready?” Valerie asked, with a slight smile.

 

“Oh yes,” replied Grunt, more than happily.

 

————————————————————

 

They stepped foot on the Collector ship and the first thing Valerie noticed was how silent it was. It was eerily quiet, and almost too empty. She walked deeper into it, and noticed the bodies littered in the corners of the rooms. There was a huge computer sitting in the back where most of the bodies were. She looked at Tali and nodded over to the computer. Behind it, there was a collector body in a container.

 

Garrus and Valerie walked into the next room which was double the size of the Normandy and left Tali to work, with Grunt keeping lookout.

 

“Look at the ceiling, Shepard,” Garrus was noting the huge pods attached to the high walls of the ship.

 

“There’s so many… they're going to target Earth.”

 

Tali gasped as she pulled the data up on her Omni tool from the large computer. 

 

“The collectors,” she said, panicked, “they are genetically identical to the Prometheans.”

 

Valerie rushed back to her, “That's sick. This smells like the work of Reapers.”

“There's no other explanation,” Garrus said.

 

“They wiped out their entire race… to make slaves,” Tali gasped.

 

“We need to get this uploaded to the Normandy,” Valerie said, “as soon as possible.”

 

Tali uploaded the information to EDI.

 

“Commander, this ship and the collector ship that attacked at horizon are identical,” EDI informed them, the team quickly advanced further into the ship.

 

“TO THE RIGHT,” Grunt yelled as enemy fire started raining upon them.

 

“Did you get everything, Tali?” Shepard yelled as they all took cover. 

 

“Yes, Shepard,” she replied as she shot a collector straight in the head.

 

“Then let's get out of here.”

 

They advanced quickly towards the gunfire. Valerie threw herself into a collector using her charge. Garrus backed up from above, making sure no one got too close to her. Valerie ran up to another collector who was almost fallen but the harbinger gained control of it. She pulled out her pistol to shoot, but couldn't find cover soon enough, the harbinger shot her in the stomach at point blank with a heavy concussive shot. Garrus heard her scream out and he shot the harbinger in the head 3 times to take it down.

 

She stood up and limped towards cover. 

 

“Let's move out,” she yelled and everyone rushed towards her, they ran up a ramp that lead to the exit plan EDI had sent to them. 

 

“Commander, I've detected that the distress call was not made by a turian patrol. It seems as though the Illusive Man had used his own Cerberus protocol and was mistaken.”

 

“Is that possible for him to be fooled by this, EDI?” Shepard asked and Grunt ran with her as she limped against him.

 

“No, Commander.”

 

Valerie gritted her teeth, “he set us up.”

 

She began running towards the pickup ship without any assistance. She jumped into it and took a seat and groaned in pain. Tali quickly administered Medi-Gel to her and she sat up.

 

“I'm fine, it was just a concussive blast, I feel better.”

 

“It was a close shot, commander,” Tali argued.

 

As they docked Valerie ripped off her helmet and rushed to the Comm room, furious, and wanting answers.

  
  
  



	5. The Debrief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus rushed and lifted her and half sprinted with her limp body in his arms. He rushed her to the med bay where chakwas had set a table up for her already. He laid her down and Chakwas went straight to work. She cut away Valerie’s under armor and tore it away. Valerie's chest and stomach were a deep red and purple color.

“EDI, have the team meet in the comm room immediately after the call ends.”

 

Valerie came out of the Comm room 5 minutes later after a debriefing with the Illusive Man, she was furious and pacing in the hallway. Garrus was the first to arrive, because he was waiting close by to check up on her. He looked at her, looking at some reassurance and she just looked angry. She nodded towards the comm room door and he walked in.

 

As soon as everyone arrived, Valerie entered still in her armor.

 

“What happened out there?” Jacob asked.

 

“Nothing we could have prevented. We got valuable data and that's all that matters, we know how to get past the omega 4 relay,” replied Valerie, obvious she didn't believe her own words.

 

“They fucking set us up,” Jack said, staring at Miranda, “heard the Cerberus bitch talking to the Illusive Man right before this.”

 

“I'm just here to keep the peace and make sure everyone keeps the objectives clear,” Miranda glared at her.

 

They continued to bicker, and people started to join in. Grunt defending Jack, Jacob siding with Miranda. The noise escalated and Valerie’s face went pale. The room started spinning and she clutched her stomach and fell to the floor.

Mordin, Miranda and Tali rushed towards her.

 

“What happened?” Miranda yelled out, ripping off pieces of her armor and tossing them to the side.

 

“Concussive blast to the abdomen,” Tali replied.

 

Mordin pulled out his Omni tool, “I'm letting Dr. Chakwas know.”

 

Garrus rushed and lifted her and half sprinted with her limp body in his arms. He rushed her to the med bay where chakwas had set a table up for her already. He laid her down and Chakwas went straight to work. She cut away Valerie’s under armor and tore it away. Valerie's chest and stomach were a deep red and purple color. 

 

“How did anyone not notice she broke four of her ribs?” Chakwas demanded.

 

“She was speaking coherently and said her pain was minimal,” Tali replied, “it must have been from all the adrenaline in her system.”

 

Mordin came to Chakwas’ aid, “her abdomen is filled with blood.”

 

“Everyone but medical out,” ordered Chakwas.

 

Tali grabbed Garrus’ arm and pulled him away.

 

———

 

“Is she going to be okay?” Garrus asked Chakwas as he looked over at Shepard, who was laying in a recovery bed.

 

“She's tough, she's been through worse. She's going to be in pain for the next week, but her recovery will be a lot faster because of anatomy upgrades,” she reassured him, “she’ll be awake soon, you can be there when she wakes if you'd like.”

 

“Thank you,” he said, grateful for her understanding. “You should get some rest, doctor, you've been up for a while.”

 

She nodded to him, “make sure she doesn't move too much, and you should get rest too.”

 

Chakwas walked away to her quarters. Garrus entered Valerie’s recovery room and sat in the chair next to her. He took her hand in his, he was terrified of losing her again. She stirred slightly in her sleep and winced in pain. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him.

 

“Good morning,” he said to her. She smiled.

 

“Hello,” she chimed happily, seeing Garrus by her side. “How long have I been out?”

 

“14 hours,” he said, “you broke 4 ribs you know? A lot of internal bleeding too. All while chewing the Illusive Man out.”

 

“That's not bad,” she said, “I have died before. Where are we stationed?”

 

“Citadel, we needed more medical supplies.”

 

“Thank god, I need a drink,” she said as she lifted herself up.

 

“Chakwas said not to move,” Garrus said, worried.

 

She sat up fully and swung her legs off the bed. Reaching over to the side table was difficult, her face showed the pain she was in, but she was too stubborn to make a noise. Her hands went behind her to untie her medical gown but she couldn't lift her arms above her head without being in immense pain.

 

“Shepard I think you should lay back down.”

 

She looked him in the eyes, “I'm okay. I need a drink. Can you please help me get out of this thing? It's embarrassing.”

 

Garrus was reluctant, but knew her mind was set on going to a bar. He walked to the other side of the bed behind her and undid the knot that held her gown on, he grabbed the t-shirt and pulled it over her head and arms without catching a glimpse of the front of her, he tried to avoid seeing her nude and making her feel exposed. She held his arm as she stood and pulled her sweatpants on. 

 

She leaned against the bed to catch her balance, and Garrus held his arm out again for her to grab onto.

 

“May I join you?” he said, snarkily, knowing she needed assistance in walking there. 

 

“Why of course,” she said sarcastically back, “no wheels though, I’m walking.”

 

“And I'm buying.”

 

It took them a lot longer than they normally would to walk to the bar, but Garrus didn't mind, he just wanted to be around her. He helped her into the stool and she sat up. Valerie ordered a double whiskey and Garrus had the same. They drank and watched people dance and talk. Garrus looked over at her, she was all bruised up, heavy bags under her eyes, but she still looked happy. He wanted to kiss her so badly. 

 

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

 

“Never better,” she said with a smile.

 

“Valerie,” he said. She looked at him directly, he rarely ever addressed her by her first name. “I… I like you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You know? Then why did you get mad at me when I didn't say anything?”

 

“Cause you're supposed to say something. I don't share my feelings a lot, Vakarian. It makes me feel weak.”

 

“You shouldn't ever feel that way around me. I know you're strong. There's no one I respect anyone more in this galaxy than you.”

 

“Then let's do it,” she said.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Each other,” she laughed and held her stomach in pain, “life is too short for our species, especially for us, throwing ourselves out there like this. We like each other, what's holding us back?”

 

“Uh…” Garrus was speechless.

 

“I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable. I can stop.”

 

“No, Shepard. I'm not uncomfortable. You could never make me uncomfortable, nervous, yes, but never uncomfortable.”

 

She blushed and smiled, looking at her glass.

 

“If you really want to, I can do some research into this… are you sure you don't want to uh… do this with someone closer to your species?” he asked.

 

“I want to be with someone I can trust, Garrus. I trust you.” 

 

His heart raced in his chest. “Well, I'll look into it then, and when you're all healed, and Chakwas clears you for uh… physical activity, we can start.”

 

She held one of his talons in her hands.

 

“Oh and Shepard? I trust you too."

\---------------------------

Two days had past and Valerie was getting antsy. She hadn't been on missions since the collector ship, and being pent up in her room was the last thing she wanted. She was sending her crew on mission still though, and occasionally she would get a visitor. She hadn't heard from Garrus much the past few days, but it didn't bother her. She knew he was busy. Kasumi entered her quarters with a bottle of wine.

“Hey Val,” she said, pulling two wine glasses off of the table.

“What’s up?” 

“So… a little birdy told me that Garrus has a big, fat crush on you.”

“Who was this little birdy?”

“... Garrus.”

Valerie tried not to laugh because of the pain but she couldn't stop it. Her and Kasumi laughed late into the night. They have always enjoyed each other’s company, and considered each other more sisters than anything. Kasumi left, and Valerie sat alone on her couch, drunk and restless. She opened her PDA and drunkenly typed out a message to Garrus.

_ Thinking of you. In my room, it’s lonely up here, and I’m bored. You should come visit me soon. Or now. - Valerie _

Her hand hit the send button before she could think. Immediately regretting her decision to send Garrus a drunken email, she tossed her PDA to the side and poured herself another glass and turned on some music. She longed to dance into the night, since there was nothing but time for her, but the pain was too intense for her to even lift herself off the couch, even when she was intoxicated.

Suddenly, the door opened and Valerie jumped, Garrus strode in with a bottle of wine and glasses. She tried to wipe up the wine she spilt on her shirt with a nearby rag.

“I’m sorry, Shepard. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’ll knock next time.”

“On no worries! I just startle easily,” she replied.

“Looks like you’ve already started,” he said with a slight chuckle.

Valerie motioned for him to sit with her. He sat close to her and poured himself a glass of wine and topped off hers. She asked him about how today’s assignments went, and if there were any issues with the team. He asked her if she had enough to keep her busy and she replied sadly with no. She longed to go out on missions, she hated to sit by while there was important things to be doing.

“It’s for your health, we can’t do this if you aren’t in tip top shape, Shep.” 

“I know, I know,” she said, slightly slurring and drinking more.

“Speaking of health, I wanted to talk to you about something,” he said, twiddling his fingers as she looked up at him with her brown eyes. “I’ve been noticing that you’ve been, uh, drinking. A lot. And not like before when we would go out to bars and drink and have fun on the off nights. But I’ve noticed you’ve been doing it sometimes before missions and a lot after missions. I noticed since you came back it's been a lot more. Others have been noticing as well, and I know I’m not doing any good or helping by bringing wine or taking you out or anything. But I’m worried.”

She sat quietly. Finding the words say, but they were escaping her quickly. 

“I can’t even imagine half of what you’ve been through, I know it was a lot and I know it was hell. But if you need someone to talk to, you don’t have to turn to a bottle, you can talk to me. I’m gonna be here for you, Valerie, more than just on the field.”

His arm wrapped around her and gave her a slight squeeze. She felt like crying into his shoulder, letting him see her feel, but she restrained herself from doing that. Her eyes met his again, and she just wanted to open her lips and tell him that everything was okay, but it wasn’t, and it was clear to her that she wouldn’t be fooling anyone. 

“Thank you,” she said to him, “I will work on it. I’m just…” her words trailed off and she searched for something to say to make him worry less. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, not if you don’t want to right now.”

Her lips met his mouth, and she strained her body to reach up to kiss him deeply. He lifted her up gently and placed her on the bed softly, not breaking their mouths apart, letting her passionately place her lips on his face. He loved the way her soft skin felt against his, and wondered how she could even enjoy touching his cold, hard exterior. She seemed to be enjoying herself, so Garrus didn’t want to overthink it, because he never wanted this to end. He let his tongue stick out so slightly she could explore a softness about him. She broke away from him after several minutes.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” she asked, her eyes wide and her voice quivering. She hiccuped. 

“There’s nothing I want more,” he replied to her, and pulled her close to him.


	6. Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ready for this?”  
> “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be a long process until I get to the end of ME3, because I want to go all the way with this, so bear with me and let's go on this adventure together. Feel free to comment your input and suggestions.

Garrus woke up the next morning to find that Valerie was not beside him. He heard the shower running and decided to let himself out quietly to not disturb her. As he walked to exit the room, he noticed the door to the bathroom was half opened. Valerie was naked, leaning against the wall, trying to get into the tub that was installed after her accident, he could tell she was struggling slightly. 

He tapped on the door with his talon, “need help?”

She turned to look at him and nodded sadly. Garrus knew she had too much pride to accept help happily. He lifted her into the tub and she sat in the bubbles.

“Thank you, Garrus.”

“Not a problem, Shep,” he said as he grabbed the loofah and gently scrubbed her back. He knew she couldn't reach her arms up very high, so he helped her.

“This is kinda fun,” he said jokingly.

“Don't get used to it, Vakarian,” she said with a slight smile, “I'll be back to normal in no time and you'll never have to do this again.”

“Don't lie, you like being spoiled like this,” he joked, “even the toughest soldiers want someone to scrub their backs.”

“Well, if that's the case, maybe you should come in and join me,” she said, trying to be seductive, but it was more cute than anything.

The offer was tempting, but there was a lot getting in the way of Garrus hopping in and ravaging her. He looked at her, her stomach was a deep purple and blue. On top of that, he didn't even have time to watch the vids that Joker had given to him because Valerie booked him up on missions for the past two days. And the most important thing nagging on his brain was the mark on the back of his thigh.

“Mmmm… as tempting as that offer is, and as tempting as you are, I haven't adequately, uh, researched this. And I don't want to hurt you any further,” he leaned in and kissed her. 

She shrugged and smiled at him, “fair enough.”

“This is… you are… the first thing I've really cared about for a while. I don't want to mess this up,” he said quietly, not meeting her gaze. 

“Garrus… you don't have to worry about any of that. This can be whatever you need it to be. I'll be here for you.” 

He helped her out and dried her off. Helping her get dressed was difficult, he tried to be as gentle as he could but she was still in too much pain. They both got ready and walked down to the mess hall for breakfast and for the sake of wanting to keep things between them private, they broke off at the elevator, and Valerie limped her way to the coffee pot. She sat down at the table Samara was at and they made light chit chat. Valerie looked across the hall at Garrus and smiled,  _ at least one thing is going well this week,  _ she thought.

\---------------------------

Towards the end of the week Valerie was healing up fast. Chakwas insisted that she take a few more days for rest, but Valerie was having no part of that. She had already begun taking light missions to get her back on her feet. The main concern on her mind was not her healing, but it was on retrieving the Reaper IFF. It was imperative for this mission to go well, so Valerie had begun preparing since the Collectors Ship. She looked up from her desk, and desperately wished she had a window to gaze out of, just for a few minutes. 

Her eyes were heavy, and she laid her head down on her desk. Even with the week break, she had still worked herself hard. She got up after a few minutes of closing her eyes and grabbed a small bottle of liquor from her drawer. She held the bottle in her hands. She hadn’t drank much this week, mainly because Garrus had been keeping her company. Holding it made her feel guilty, she knew that her drinking was getting out of control, but it was something that felt very necessary to her. 

She placed the bottle back and shut the drawer. A clear head was needed today.

“EDI, have the team meet me in the comm room in 20.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Valerie gathered her things and headed to the comm room. She had already figured out her team, she was bringing Zaeed and Grunt. The two of them together could take down anything with their specialties, and Valerie wanted to ensure that everything in there was taken down.

Once the whole crew arrived, Valerie explained what the mission was and who she was taking. When Garrus heard she was taking Zaeed and Grunt, he gave her a look of concern. She had been sending him on missions left and right for the week she was out, and she had taken him on almost every mission before then. He was confused, but didn’t question her. After all, she was his Commander first, friend, maybe girlfriend, second. 

He watched her head towards the airlock, Grunt and Zaeed hadn’t shown up yet so he walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. 

“Good luck out there,” he told her.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile.

“You ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

\-----------------------------------------

“You brought back a  _ what?” _ Tali asked, angrily.

“A fully intact geth,” Valerie said in a stern voice walking fast beside Grunt as they headed towards the AI core. Grunt had the geth lugged over his arms, and it was slightly sparking but was not active. Miranda and Jacob followed her closely, and they were both upset and bickering.

“We need to give that geth to Cerberus,” Miranda called out.

“No, we need to send that damn thing out of the airlock. Commander? Commander?” Jacob tried to get Valerie’s attention.

“Both of you, shut up,” she replied as she walked up to the geth. “EDI, can you get this thing back online?”

“Shepard, this is crazy,” Tali said.

\--------------------------------------------

“Joker, punch in the coordinates for the Omega 4 relay.”

“Yes, commander. We will be there in 22 hours.”

“Thank you,” she said, they gave each other a look, something they both understood as  _ good luck.  _ “Let’s go get our crew back…”

\--------------------

Valerie sat at her desk and looked over the data gathered. The video journals she saw terrified her. The whole idea of Reaper Indoctrination made her fear for the worse. But she had no choice but to stay positive and know that she was on the right path to stopping this. She held her face in her hands, she trembled slightly. Her body craved for a drink. 

They were now less than a day away from a suicide mission. 

There was a tap on the door, she knew it was Garrus. She tidied up her desk a bit and call out for him to enter.

“Commander Valerie Shepard, you are one crazy woman. Crazy hot. But also just crazy cause you brought an active geth on board just before we charge headfirst into a collector base,” he said, with a bottle of wine in hand.

Valerie laughed. 

“I talked to him… it… though. Legion. It's pretty cool.” 

“Yeah, I think he'll be a valuable asset to the team.”

“Tali is furious.” 

“I know. I feel bad. But I don't see Legion as dangerous. She'll see.”

They both walked over to the couch and sat down, Valerie leaned against him. 

“Are you okay?” Garrus asked her, noticing how quiet she was.

“Oh yes, i'm fine. Don't worry,” she said smiling. He poured the glasses of wine.

“This may be our last day to celebrate anything,” he said, “let's make it worth it.”

“We’re gonna need more than wine then,” she said, grabbing a bottle of aged whiskey from her drawer. It was a bottle from her home colony, and she was saving it for a special occasion. Today seemed like that day.  She poured the glasses and handed one to Garrus.

“To the Normandy,” Valerie said proudly, holding her glass in the air.

“To Valerie Shepard,” Garrus replied, tapping his glass against hers.

They downed their drinks and Garrus stood up in front of her. He tapped the music console and a soft melody played in the background. His nerves were getting the best of him. The preparation was difficult. Watching the vids Joker gave him helped, but his main concern was the mark. He didn’t want her let her know, not now anyways. It was too much pressure before a difficult task ahead of them, and he didn’t want her to treat him any differently from anyone else in what would probably be their final mission. He made sure to wrap his thigh with medical wrap before he came. He grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him. His forehead pressed against hers. 

“Well, these are the last few moments we have, before we throw ourselves into hell,” Garrus said to her, his hands trembled slightly, “I… This…” he struggled for words.

Valerie kissed him deeply, a knowing kiss, a kiss that explained everything that words couldn’t. He lifted her and brought her to the bed, and they enjoyed the amount of time left they had together

\----------------------

  
  
  



	7. Suicide Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling her would be the worst thing he could do, because if she felt the same as he did for her after knowing, she wouldn’t let him go through with this mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of ME2, and on to ME3, sorry it took so long! Had internet issues.

Valerie was tucked under Garrus’ arm, her fingers trailed along his body.

“How was that for your first interspecies relations?” Garrus asked.

“You know, not half bad,” Valerie joked, her hand trailed along his body, “what happened to your leg?” she asked, looking at the wraps.

“Oh… uh… just a small rash,” his heart was racing.

“Oh ew Garrus,” she said laughing. He felt relieved that she fell for his lie. He also felt awful for lying. But what else what he to do? They were about to enter what would be the hardest mission of their lives soon, he couldn’t throw her off her game. Telling her would be the worst thing he could do, because if she felt the same as he did for her after knowing, she wouldn’t let him go through with this mission.

He held her close to him, feeling her warmth. She was safe with him now, but any second they would be throwing themselves into chaos. Garrus ran his talons through her hair, he thought she was so beautiful, her face was scarred and her body was brusied but that made him love her more. More than he’d ever admit.

“Commander, we are approaching the Omega 4 relay,” Joker said over the intercom.

\---------------  
“This is what we've been preparing for. It's hard, I know, but we're almost there,” Valerie called out to the squad, they were beaten, hurting, and tired, but only half the battle has been fought. “We've had no casualties, just push a bit further, we’re going to make it out of here, and when we do; drinks are on me.”

Garrus looked up at her, she was standing on a boulder so she could be seen and heard by the whole crew. He thought she still looked cute up there, even being sweaty and angry. It had been a tough battle, but surprisingly morale was high. The group would have to split up again, and Garrus wanted to be by Shepard’s side, he knew the worst was still yet to come.

“Garrus, I need you to lead the ground team. Grunt, Jack, you're coming with me.”

He looked up at her, he wasn't expecting that. She glanced at him, and then walked over to Grunt and Jack. He wanted to say something, but he knew he couldn't question his commander.

“Garrus, make sure my team makes it out,” she said with a wink, and then the three disappeared into the heat of battle.  
\---------------  
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, the collector base was destroyed and everyone made it out alive. They all sat in the Comm Room, quiet, and tired.

“You all should rest up,” Valerie told them, “everyone deserves some rest… and some shore leave.”

The team dispersed and Valerie headed back to her cabin. She stretched out and sat at her desk. The only thing she could think of was sleep. Her bed was calling to her, but she knew work was still to be done. Her desktop lit up to signal a new message. It was from Hackett.

> _Shepard,_   
>  _Word has spread that you’re working for Cerberus. I didn’t believe it myself until I saw reports. Alliance is talking of your arrest as I write this. Turn yourself in before this gets out of hand. I know you, Shepard, you’re an alliance girl, through and through. Do the right thing before it’s too late._
> 
> _Hackett_

“Damn it…” she whispered under her breath. She sat with her face in her hands. A break was desperately needed, it felt like one thing after the next for her. There was always something going on, and she couldn’t even catch her breath.

There was a knock at the door, and Valerie groaned, “it’s opened,” she called.

“Hey, want a little company?” Garrus asked. He looked at her, her eyes were red. She shook her head, and he left her alone.  
\---------

After a few days passed, Valerie invited the crew to the lounge for some drinks and blow off some steam. Music was playing loud and everyone was drinking and chatting, Jack and Kasumi were even dancing. Liara had joined them for their event, taking a break from her busy, new life. She approached Valerie, who was drinking at the bar.

“Everything alright, Shepard?” she asked.

“Yeah,” she said softly and smiled. Valerie knew that Liara probably already had information on her that she was wanted by the Alliance.

Liara put her hand on her shoulder. They had considered each other great friends. But in the moment, Valerie was not feeling like she wanted to share how she felt. She was terrified beyond belief. In her heart, she knew she was making the right decision in turning herself in.

As everyone left one by one to go to bed, knowing that they would be docking on the Citadel the next day for shore leave, Valerie stayed behind at the small bar. Garrus walked nervously up to her, they had not spoken since she rejected his company a few nights before. His hand found hers and she intertwined her fingers in his.

“You can tell me what’s going on, Valerie,” he told her.

She paused, and looked at her glass, “When we dock at the Citadel tomorrow, I am turning myself into the Alliance.”

“What?” he asked, shocked, “you can’t.”

“Don’t question my decisions, Vakarian,” she said sternly. “I have to do this.”

“Valerie you don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone anymore, you’ve done enough.”

“Garrus, I’ve been working with the enemy.”

“You saved lived. Cerberus helped you do that.”

She slammed her drink down on the table and got up. She was enraged. Garrus knew how much she hated Cerberus, but he felt like she was losing touch of what was really going on.

“You won’t ever understand,” she whispered, “I’ve seen what they’ve done, you have as well, how can you ever be okay with that?”

She left without another word.


	8. 187 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being stuck in a decently sized room with a comfortable bed with all the books she could ever hope to read and wifi that was strictly monitored by the Alliance was the worst case scenario for her. She ached to be on the Normandy. She ached to be in her armor again. She ached to have Garrus hold her one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of ME3, hope you like the drama that this chapter has. 
> 
> If you have any comments or suggestions feel free to contact me!

187 days felt like forever for Valerie, especially when she had gotten so used to always being so active in combat. It seemed more likely to her that she’d die of boredom than at the hands of a reaper at this point in time. Being stuck in a decently sized room with a comfortable bed with all the books she could ever hope to read and wifi that was strictly monitored by the Alliance was the worst case scenario for her. She ached to be on the Normandy. She ached to be in her armor again. She ached to have Garrus hold her one last time. 

 

She shook the thought from her head. Thinking of Garrus made her time in here worse, he hadn’t tried to contact her even though she had an open line to the outside world. Almost everyone else she knew tried to contact her. She had even gotten a message from Kaiden, it made her heart ache. Her head wasn’t in the right place to reply to him, and she wasn’t the slightest bit ready, she reread it over and over again. 

 

> _ Valerie, _
> 
> _ I’m so sorry for what happened on Horizon. I don’t even know why I said the things I said. I thought you were dead for two years, and I lived with the thought of you being gone. It took me forever to even get myself back in action and living my life normally again.  _
> 
> _ But then I saw you, standing in front of me. It was you but you were so different. The scars on your face, the Cerberus logo plastered on your teammates and gear. It was surreal. I spent so long mourning you, I forgot how much I loved you. I still love you. _
> 
> _ Kaiden _

 

She closed her PDA and set it on the table. He sent that months ago, and it was too late to reply to him. Too late for anything meaningful anyways. Besides that, she didn’t even know what to say to him. She loved him with all of her heart too, but Garrus. Garrus was the only one who made her feel normal. They way she felt about him was something deeper than she could explain with just words. She loved him, she was scared to admit that, and now she didn’t ever want to. The only thing she felt by Garrus now was abandonment. She knew that they didn’t leave on good terms, but he didn’t even send her one message to ask how she was, after all they had been through together. 

 

Liara was the only one who she kept in contact with steadily. She had even come to visit once. Liara had updated her on how everyone else was, and apparently Cerberus had lost Miranda’s and Jacob’s loyalty. Cerberus itself was causing a lot of issues lately for the Alliance, especially with the impending threat of reapers. It was nice to have her come so often to update her on what was happening, and Valerie appreciated her so much. 

 

Valerie stood at the window, taking in the sights of Earth. She wasn’t raised here, but she’s always known a lot about it. Mindoir was her home colony, but she didn’t think of it much anymore, it caused her too much pain. 

 

The images of her last day on Mindoir was so vivid. It was only a few days after her 16th birthday, she was in the kitchen with her mother helping to prepare dinner. Her mother was a young, stern woman, who rarely gave hugs or “I love you’s.” It didn’t help much that her father took the same approach to affection as her mother did. It seemed as if all the love they had went towards her younger sister, and Valerie didn’t mind. She loved her younger sister as well, and was the one person she missed most. Losing her was the worst thing that had happened to Valerie Shepard. Dying didn’t even come close to how it felt when she got the news of her sister’s murder from Alliance officers.

 

The door behind her opened and she heard Vega step in.

 

“Commander Shepard,” he said saluting her.

 

“You’re not supposed to call me that anymore, Vega,” she said, slightly laughing.

 

“Captain Anderson would like to see you.”

 

They both walked out of her cell and headed up the stairs. At the top, she saw Anderson, standing next to Kaiden. Their eyes met and he nodded at her, and she nodded back.

 

“Shepard,” Anderson said, “good to see you.”

 

They walked fast and Anderson told Valerie about what was awaiting her in the next room, as they entered in the room, Valerie faced the window, and within seconds, she saw Reapers.

 

\------

 

James, Kaiden and Valerie jumped onto the Normandy’s dock and covered Anderson as he made his way towards them. Valerie held out her hand for him to take, but he shook his head.

 

“You go on, someone needs to be holding the front line. Go, Shepard. Mankind needs you.”

 

\------

 

“Stay on her trail,” Valerie yelled at Liara and Kaiden as they were running after Dr. Eva.

 

They got to the roof as Dr. Eva was headed into a Cerberus airship, but James crashed their pickup craft into it and it came crumbling down. Suddenly, a robotic model of Eva came out and grabbed Kaiden and slammed him against the ground. Valerie shot it down and ran to Kaiden. 

 

“Kaiden, Kaiden! Wake up!” she screamed as she tapped his face. She threw him over her shoulders and ran him towards James.

 

\-----

 

Valerie walked up to the door of Kaiden’s hospital room, the doctor let her in and she handed him a bottle of whiskey.

 

“For you, when you can drink that is, how you feeling?” she looked at him, he was bandaged up and tired looking.

 

“I feel fine, doc won’t let me leave though. Keeps making excuses for me to stay in bed.”

 

“Ah, I see, Major Alenko,” she said, slyly.

 

“So you’ve heard,” he said with a slight chuckle. They made small talk for a few more minutes, but then an awkward silence crept over them.

 

“So, uh, did you get my message? I didn’t know if they delivered it to you at all, with you being in custody and everything.”

 

“I got it,” she said, looking down, “I just… I didn’t know how to respond.”

 

He sat for a bit, gathering his thoughts, “This is about Garrus, huh?”

 

“What do you know about that?” she snapped at him, still frustrated at Garrus for not caring about her. “This has nothing to do with him, this is about us right now. We are talking about us.”

 

“Well, talk then,” he said to her. She paused, she couldn’t come up with words. “Look, Valerie. What I did, was wrong, but I love you. And I will always love you.”

 

“I love you too, Kaiden. But this, we can’t work out. We won’t ever be able to. Not with you distrusting me. I am not what you want.”

 

“You’re exactly what I want,” he pleaded with her.

 

“No, Kaiden. You want a big house one day, you want kids one day, you want someone who is going to love you unconditionally. I can’t give you that. I don’t want a big house, I can’t have kids. I can’t give you the love you deserve.”

 

“Because of Garrus.”

 

She took a deep breath, “You can’t get mad at him for any of this. You left me, Kaiden. I was a mess. He was there for me, when you didn’t want me.”

 

Kaiden looked at her, and he placed his hand on her cheek, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m sorry.”

 

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she didn’t allow herself to cry. Not in front of Kaiden. She was tired of feeling vulnerable around him, showing her true self, and still being questioned for who she was. 

 

“I just need some time to think, this is all too much right now,” she said softly.

 

“I understand,” he told her, “I will be here for you. You are the only one for me, and if I’m not the one for you, then I will just have to accept that.”

 

Valerie stood up and cleared her throat, “Get better Kaiden, people need you out there.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Palaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When are you going to tell her?” she asked.
> 
> “When there's a good time, I guess,” he said. Unsure of when or what that meant.
> 
> “In days like this, there are no good times, Garrus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seems like it's getting slower in the plot! Last chapter was a lot of dialogue, and I wanted to expand on more thoughts this time! Enjoy! And feel free to give me some input!! :)

Being on board the Normandy made Valerie feel overwhelmed, she was beyond joyful, but still overwhelmed. She walked along the corridors taking in the familiar sights, everything was almost exactly how she left it, and seeing everyone again made her heart full. The crew on the Normandy was the closest thing she had to a family. It felt somewhat empty though, not having everyone back on board from when she was working with Cerberus, but Valerie took what she could get with what felt like the galaxy coming to an end. 

She headed to the Shuttle Bay to meet her new crew members. Cortez greeted her and they made small talk. From the other end of the the room, she saw James doing pull ups. She strode over to him and he continued without missing a beat. 

“Commander, need something?”

“Just checking up, wanted to get to know you a little better,” she replied. 

“Can you talk and dance at the same time?”

They sparred and chatted, meeting each other almost hit for hit, until Valerie pinned him to the ground. 

“Damn, Lola, I knew you were good, but for someone your size? You’re real good.”

“Lola?”

“Just look like a Lola to me,” he said, slightly laughing.

“I’ll let it slide, Vega, just because you’re cute,” she said with a wink, flirting was in her nature, and she couldn’t help but tease James a little. 

“Wow Lola, you’re making me blush.”  
\-------

Valerie sat at her desk, she was skimming through the notes that Hackett sent her over Palaven. The war against the reapers was looking more and more grim. The turian military was being wiped out by the minute, and they were still hours away from. Thoughts of Garrus fluttered through her mind, she hoped he was safe, but couldn’t bring herself to send a message. Her biggest weakness was her stubbornness, she so desperately wanted to speak to him, but knowing that he didn’t even make an effort to talk to her either was hard on her. She was so scared of loving him she didn’t even want to admit it to herself. She tried to shift her focus to the mission at hand, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him. His hands, trailing her body, pulling her into him. 

There was a knock at her door, and Valerie shook out of her daydream. Liara came in, with a datapad in hand. There was a weariness to her, she almost looked nervous. Valerie noticed her demeanor, and invited her to sit.

“Shepard,” she said.

“How are you?” Valerie asked her, smiling, trying to make Liara feel more at ease.

“I’m doing well, Shepard,” she said, “I have some intel that you might like to know about Palaven, before we arrive.”

“Go for it, Liara.”

“I have word on Garrus, he’s stationed on Palaven right now.”

Valerie fell silent, soaking in the news. She figured as much that he would be there, but there was something inside of her that wished he wasn’t. Whether it be for his own safety or for her selfish reason of not wanting to confront him. Not only did she feel at war with the reapers, she felt at war with her own emotions. Years ago this would have never been a problem to her, she felt almost robotic back then, but Garrus made her finally feel alive. He made her finally feel something other than just a drive to help others, but a drive to help herself. 

Before she met Garrus, the only thing she thought about was the Alliance and how she would work her way to the upper ranks, working on herself physically to become the best soldier she could be. What drove her was the doubts others had in her, telling her that she would never be strong enough, telling her that she was too short or too kind and sympathetic with other species. Valerie wanted to prove them all wrong, and to an extent she did. Then after that, she was distracted with the fate of the galaxy on her shoulders, it felt like so much weight there were times she wished she could disappear, but the second Garrus touched her, she felt that weight lifted off of her. 

When she thought about Kaiden, she didn’t feel a weight being lifted, she felt more pressure on herself. She knew him, he was so kind and loving, but she knew that in the end, the only thing that he wanted was a life with her. And that’s something she couldn’t give him. Her life belonged to the Alliance, it belonged to a cause greater than herself. She loved her work too much to ever let it go to be with another person. Especially with a human, because there was the pressure of moving back to Earth or a colony, settling down, having children. 

That wasn’t her, and with the way the war was looking, she couldn’t even think about that.

Liara excused herself after they talked for a bit longer, and Valerie went to bed before a battle that could seal the destiny of an entire species. She laid her head down, and had nothing but nightmares fill her sleep.  
\----------------

Life was hell for Garrus the past 6 months, he worked his ass off up the ranks until he finally convinced his father that the reapers were indeed coming and they needed to be prepared. Or as prepared as they could be. Gathering supplies and rallying soldiers would only take them so far. He assembled a task force and put all his effort into training them step by step, making sure that they knew everything that they were up against. Many days when he had a few minutes to compose himself he wondered if he was just making himself so sickly busy because he didn’t want to think about Shepard. Night time was the worst for him though, when he sat awake thinking of her. Remembering the last words she said to him, how he had messed up beyond belief. He couldn’t bring himself to contact her, he thought maybe giving her space was what she wanted so she could focus on what she needed to. Garrus hated feeling like a burden. Especially a burden on Commander Shepard. 

He met with Liara once, she had been looking for him and a few other people to keep tabs on everyone. They spoke casually, he missed her. She was so wise, yet there was something almost childlike about her. It was mostly her curiousity, but also in the way she spoke and asked questions. Garrus knew she was in contact with Shepard, they were very close, and they’ve shared a lot of things together. 

“So…” he said nervously, “how is she?”

“She is well, she’s pent up and a little upset because of it, but she is doing well.”

“That’s… good,” he said, relieved to know she was at least safe. “I’d imagine her being incarcerated would make her infuriated,” he said, a slight joking tone in his voice.

“She was, at first, she’s gotten used to it over the past 3 months.’

“Does she know we’ve talked?”

“No,” she said, a slight look of sadness in her eyes, “I thought it best for her not to know.”

“Liara, can I tell you something? Something you can’t tell Shepard?”

She hesitated, but nodded. Garrus stood up, and pulled down the left side of his pants to expose his thigh. Liara cleared her throat awkwardly. 

“When are you going to tell her?” she asked.

“When there's a good time, I guess,” he said. Unsure of when or what that meant.

“In days like this, there are no good times, Garrus.”

When he heard that Earth had been invaded by reapers he checked his thigh every five minutes it felt. He had to know she was safe. When his scar faded the first time when Shepard died, he was devastated. He didn't even know who it was in that moment but his heart felt like it broke it two. 

Now, he was defending Palaven alongside the turians, hoping that Valerie was safe. He heard rumors of her discharge and return to the Normandy. That news excited him, he always felt most useful on board with Commander Shepard by his side.


	10. More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus couldn’t believe his eyes, he knew Shepard was here, but when he saw her in the flesh, standing in front of him, he felt like he was dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to pull these out before classes get too crazy, please enjoy! :)

When Garrus head of Shepard’s landing, he couldn’t believe it. His nerves were getting the best of him, his once steady hand on the trigger of his sniper was trembling. Still, his shots were perfect, hitting all of his desired targets. Although he was preoccupied in the middle of a war zone, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander, he pictured her lying on her bed, her perfectly curved body on silk sheets, the muscles on her back that moved as she breathed in softly, the scars that somehow made her face even more beautiful. Then, he remembered their last exchange, how upset she looked. Garrus just wanted to give her time, time to think about what she wanted, if she wanted him. He didn’t know how soulmarks worked, if they drew people into each other. When they were explained to him when he was young, his parents told him that their purpose was to bring two halves of one soul together. When he was older, he was told that they were in place to advance the species. A person with the other half of the tattoo would be the one who would give you the best shot at having strong and healthy offspring. 

But when it came to Shepard and Garrus, that wasn’t a possibility. Garrus knew that it was impossible for humans and turians to produce a child together, he thought of all the reasons to why the universe placed him and Valerie Shepard together but it just didn’t make sense to him. 

“Garrus, General Corinthus needs to see you, as soon as possible.”

\----------

Garrus couldn’t believe his eyes, he knew Shepard was here, but when he saw her in the flesh, standing in front of him, he felt like he was dreaming. She was talking to General Corinthus, the light breeze fluttered through her soft, shoulder length hair. He imagined running his talons through it and pulling her into a kiss, but he shook the thought from his mind and headed towards them. 

“Commander, this is Garrus Vakarian, our reaper specialist, I’m sure you both are well acquainted by now,” Corinthus said.

“Yes, James, Garrus, he helped me take down the collector base, he’s one hell of a soldier,” she said, giving Garrus a slight nod. Their eyes met for a split second, but she turned away quickly. Her face went stone cold. 

\----------

They stood next to the Kodiak waiting for the Primarch to say his goodbyes. Valerie was reloading her pistol, and Garrus strode over to her as smooth has he could, but he felt like he ended up looking more ridiculous than anything. 

“Hey Shep,” he said, doing his best to sound friendly.

“Hey Garrus,” she said, not looking at him directly, but slightly softer than she was earlier. 

“How… how have you been?” he asked.

“Garrus…” she paused, “now isn’t a good time for this.”

“I understand.”

“Welcome back to the Normandy,” she said, giving him a half smile and slight nudge, and stepped into the Kodiak, leaving Garrus in silence.

\----------

Being back on board the Normandy was surreal. Garrus immediately went to the main battery to start calibrations. He knew that this equipment was state of the art, but he didn’t trust anyone else but himself to make sure this machine was working at one hundred percent. There was something about the hum of the main battery that put him at ease, even with all that was going on. Palaven seemed so far away, but he couldn’t put his family out of his mind. He hoped they were safe, but in a time of crisis like this, contacting them was next to impossible.

Valerie walked into the room and made her way to Garrus, he tried to concentrate on starting up his calibrations but he couldn’t help himself but to look at her. She was just in an Alliance t-shirt and sweatpants but he thought she was the most beautiful thing in the universe. She leaned her back against the wall with her hands in her pockets and looked down. Valerie felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. Seeing Garrus brought up feelings she didn’t want. She was tired, but most of all, she was hurt. But seeing him was the closest thing she felt to happiness in a long time.

“Commander,” Garrus said to her, hoping she’d look up at him, but her eyes were still fixed on the floor.

“Garrus don’t call me that, not right now.”

“Valerie,” he said, closing the distance between them.

“Why didn’t you try to contact me?” she said, straight faced, and now looking him dead in the eyes.

He slowly reached for her hand and held it in his, he pulled her closer to him. His eyes fluttered to their hands. Garrus could tell her a slew of lies that made excuses for why he didn’t contact her, but if he was truly being honest, he was scared.

“I thought you’d need some time, to figure out what you want, and the way we left off, I didn’t know if you wanted anything to do with me.”

Valerie nodded and thought about what he said, and maybe she did need more time to think about him. As much as she hated the thought of spending more time away from him, she needed to focus on everything at hand. 

“Maybe you’re right, Garrus, maybe we do need time,” she pulled her hand away, but it was painful for her to do it. She wanted to be in his arms, she wanted so desperately to be with him, but she knew there was more at stake than their relationship. She would always be Commander Shepard first, Valerie second. “We should take this slow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replied, he felt his heart breaking in his chest, “and Valerie?”

She looked up at him, with her big brown eyes, they didn’t sparkle like they used to when they looked at him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner,” he cleared his throat, “I thought about you though, everyday.”

“I thought about you too,” she said.

They said their goodbyes and Valerie headed up towards her cabin. She felt no closure in speaking to Garrus, but she didn’t care. Her feelings for him were so strong she almost felt like she was losing herself, and she wouldn’t allow it. Saving the galaxy was the first thing on her mind, or should be. The first thing on her mind was always Garrus, always. She laid her head down to rest, but nightmares still flooded her sleep.


	11. A Little Time Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The threat of reapers no longer felt like a losing battle, she didn’t even think about Kaiden at this state. The only thing she wanted was Garrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this is short, I'm really trying to get ahead before school starts up in full swing. Let me know what you think! I feel like each chapter is written very differently, and I don't notice until I'm done writing. If you like these more in depth chapters where there isn't a lot of time progression, but more scene descriptions, let me know. If not I can have shorter scenes with more progress. :) enjoy.

Valerie woke up in a cold sweat. Her nights have become almost sleepless, her body craved a drink. Sobriety for the past 7 months benefitted her health immensely, but she couldn’t help but ache for a drink, especially with the lack of sleep. The Normandy was nearing the Citadel, Valerie pulled on her N7 hoodie and headed to the CIC and talk to Joker and EDI until they reached their destination. Ideally, she’d be walking into a nice, quiet bar where no one would recognize her and drink the night away. 

She pulled the hood over her head and stepped off onto the Citadel. Something in her wanted to see Kaiden, she was worried about him. Her feet led her everywhere but to Huerta Memorial Hospital. She went and looked for armor upgrades and general things for the ship, then eventually she made her way to the bar, where she sat at one of the corner stools. The bartender pour her drink and she sat and watched the scenery around her. An asari and a krogan, talking and laughing over drinks. Turians soldiers, trying to smile and make jokes but struggling, knowing what was going on beyond the Citadel. A human couple bickering over the man staring at an asari dancing. Three salarians were discussing algorithms for research they were working on. Time seemed to stand still in this bar.

Shepard drank and drank, and people came and went. Her mind was fuzzy, but she was at peace. All above the loud chatter and music coming from the bar, being borderline blackout drunk, she was content. The threat of reapers no longer felt like a losing battle, she didn’t even think about Kaiden at this state. The only thing she wanted was Garrus. A few weeks had passed since they had their intense exchange. She had taken him on missions but there wasn’t much talking. The war efforts on Tuchanka were very demanding. It took up a lot of time mentally and physically, and they were there for what seemed like forever. Balancing a relationship between thermal clips wasn’t the easiest thing, and Valerie knew she wanted to take it slow, but this was almost snail like speed. 

“Hey there, pretty lady, can I buy you a drink?”

Shepard looked over her shoulder and saw Garrus standing behind her. She gave him a smile and tried to mumble a hello but the words got lost in her liquor.

“Woah there, looks like you had enough,” he said with a slight chuckle. She slipped slightly out of the chair and he lifted her back up into it. He pushed a strand of hair away from her face and paused to look at her, her cheeks were rosy, “I see you started early, enjoying a little time off?” 

Valerie nodded while managing to mumble something along the lines “I’m glad you’re here,” and threw up her arm at the bartender to get Garrus a drink. He sat down next to her and her hand held one of his talons. His heart leapt, but at the same time he had just seen Kaiden. 

There was some animosity, but Kaiden didn’t blame him for falling in love with Shepard. Garrus half wanted to show him the soulmark to defend his case, but he decided to wait until after he told Valerie. Nevertheless, Garrus and Kaiden were friends, they had gone through hell together and back, but having this wedge between them didn’t give him a good feeling. Kaiden specifically told him that he was still in love with Shepard, and he wouldn’t ever fall out of love with her.

“I saw Kaiden today, he’s doing better,” Garrus said, almost a little too awkwardly. 

She cleared her throat, “That’s good.”

“It’s good seeing him again, I hear he’s getting spectre status once he’s discharged.”

They made awkward exchange about Kaiden some more, until they led up to stories about their time on the SR1. They could have talked about the good old days forever it felt like, most of their sentences to each other began with “do you remember when…” and ended with laughter. They drank and talked for what seemed like hours, then a soft silence fell over them. Valerie looked into his eyes.

He leaned into her and kissed her, and she returned the sign of affection, wrapping her arms around his neck. She looked longingly at him, and whispered in his ear.

“Let’s get back on the ship, to my room,” she said, trying to sound as seductive as she could.

Garrus looked at her, he was so nervous, he wasn’t expecting to be following Valerie into her cabin and his thigh wasn’t wrapped. He couldn’t resist her though, the look she was giving him would have lured anyone in with her. Hell, he thought if she flashed that look to the reapers they’d stop destroying galaxies.

He somehow ended up following her back to the Normandy, her tiny hand wrapped around his talon. She led the way, as always, and when the got back to the ship, most of the lights were already off. The crew were either in bed or off on the Citadel. They stopped every so often to kiss, pushing each other into walls or Garrus pulling her up on a table. Once they got to the captain's cabin, Garrus laid her in her bed and turned the lights off so it was almost completely dark, the only light that spilled into the room was from the fish tank. He couldn’t risk her seeing him, knowing his mark was exposed.

When she finally fell asleep, he slowly moved her off of him so he could sit up. He grabbed medical wrap and sat at her desk to wrap his thigh, if she asked in the morning, he would just sat he had a cramp from their late night activities. Garrus thought of what Liara told him, in that there was no good time to tell Shepard that the universe made them soulmates. It sounded crazy to him, he wondered how it could possibly sound to her. He knew for sure that when the war was over he’d tell her. That was his one hopeful thought through all this madness, but mainly he figured at these odds that one of them was not making it out of this alive. 

He prayed to the spirits that it would be her.


	12. Half Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bottle was finished anyways, she laid on the floor of her room in a pile of blankets, her body numb. She didn't want to talk to or see anyone in the moment, she just wanted to lay in her cocoon until they got to the Citadel, which was at least a day's travel out. The messages to her terminal and the calls to her room were ignored; for now, she wanted to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Garrus woke to Shepard’s mumbling, she sat up quickly and was breathless. He sat up next to her and wrapped his arm around her but she brushed him off. 

 

“Everything okay, Shepard?”

 

She nodded, and slid a shirt over her head. She stretched and smiled at him, but Garrus didn’t believe her that she was okay. That was something he’d always ask her on occasion, a simple, “are you okay?” or “how are you holding up?” Her replies were always the same though, she always replied with a nod and a smile. 

 

“It’s okay to not be okay, Shep,” he said to her, concerned, “I know you’re strong, but this stuff isn’t easy.”

 

“I’m fine, quit worrying, Garrus,” she replied, “you look good in human clothing.” She eyed him up and down, noting his t-shirt and sweatpants. 

 

“These old rags?” he laughed, “well, you look good in just about anything… and nothing too.”

 

It was still early in the morning, they were still stationed on the Citadel but they would soon be headed back to Tuchanka. Eve was ready to transport, and Mordin was getting impatient. Valerie had always been fond of Mordin. She respected and admired him greatly, and in another life wished she could shadow under his teaching. They had their disagreements on certain things, but he had proved to her time and time again that he had changed his views on the genophage. She considered Mordin to be one of her closest colleagues and a genuine friend, he had helped her through so much, and she helped him more than she’ll ever realize. 

 

Eve to Valerie Shepard was a symbol of hope. She had never met someone so wise, humble, and fearless. The krogan were strong, Valerie had already taken a liking to the male krogan she had met. Wrex was almost like a brother to her, they had fought side by side and she proved to him that she was worthy, even for a human. The bond between she and Grunt was something beyond friendship, Valerie would protect him at all costs. All throughout her life she was always being questioned on why she sympathized with so many different species of aliens, and the only reason she could bring was because she loved the differences in others. Her natural curiosity brought her to see the best in others, and in turn, they saw the best in her.

 

And this is how she liked it, she couldn’t imagine being on a human only ship. The ones who felt most like family to her were all aliens, krogan, asari, salarian, turian. 

 

Garrus and Valerie sat in the mess hall drinking coffee and reading up on the news. Soon, they would have to get into their armor and get back to work, but for now, they enjoyed the normality of the morning.

 

“Hear anything from your family yet?” Valerie asked Garrus, he set down his PDA and a look of worry came over him.

 

“Not yet,” he said.

 

“You will soon,” she reached out her hand and held his.

 

“Shepard, you’ve never told me about your family. Are they okay?”

 

Valerie realized she hadn’t told Garrus about what happened to her when she was younger, and why she joined the Alliance. The only people she ever told were Liara and Kaiden. Other than that, it was something she kept mainly to herself. Not on purpose, but it was just something that didn’t come up much, and it was honestly still a difficult topic for her. 

 

“They are… um…” she struggled to find the words to say ‘my entire family is dead’ in the lightest way possible. 

 

Garrus waited for her reply as she looked down, her face was scrunched up, concentrating.

 

“We lived in Mindoir, my parents were farmers. I had a sister too. She was fourteen. They’re gone now. Everyone I knew then is gone now,” she tried to share the information as best she could, it was always so awkward for her. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Garrus said to her. He was always bad at comforting others, but the thing he appreciated most about Shepard was that she honestly didn’t like being comforted. 

 

“It’s in the past,” she said, “what matters now is the future.”

 

\-----------

 

“Mordin, don’t go up there, there has to be another way” Shepard pleaded with him. 

 

“Shepard, please. Need to do this. My project, my work, my cure, my responsibility. Would like to have run test on seashells.”

 

Everything was crashing around them, she desperately wanted to pull him out of the elevator and force him to go with her. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

 

“I’m not, had to be me, someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

 

\----------

Valerie exited the comm room, she held her face in her hands and sighed. She went to the bridge to tell Joker that they’d have to head to the Citadel so she could meet with the Salarian councilor. 

 

“Joker, EDI,” she said when she entered the room. There was a silence among them. She looked at EDI, still trying to get used to her new body.

 

“Commander,” Joker replied. “I’m sorry about what happened to Mordin, I knew you guys were close, he was a good guy. Crazy, but good.”

 

She walked back to her cabin and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, she didn’t even grab a glass, she just placed the bottle to her lips and drank. The pain of losing Mordin was too much for her to bear. 

 

_ People die in wars all the time, get out of this,  _ she thought to herself,  _ this isn't healthy. _

 

The bottle was finished anyways, she laid on the floor of her room in a pile of blankets, her body numb. She didn't want to talk to or see anyone in the moment, she just wanted to lay in her cocoon until they got to the Citadel, which was at least a day's travel out. The messages to her terminal and the calls to her room were ignored; for now, she wanted to be alone.

 

\-------

 

“Kaiden, stand down. If that door opens, there are Cerberus operatives on the other side, waiting to gun you down.”

 

Kaiden lowered his gun down, and turned to Udina, who pushed the Asari councilor to the ground and pulled a gun on her. Valerie shot him down before he could move another muscle.

 

When they got back to the Normandy, Kaiden felt like he was home again. It was surreal being back on the ship and looking out of the observation deck and forgetting what was happening on Earth, if only for a few minutes. Behind him, the door opened and he saw Valerie walk in.

 

“It's good to have you back on board, Kaiden.”

 

“Wouldn't want to be anywhere else but by your side, Shepard. Especially at a time like this.”

 

\----

 

Garrus and Kaiden always had a good relationship. They had always considered each other friends, from all that they had been through together. Garrus always took a liking to him too, he found Kaiden to be a genuinely nice guy, and a hell of a solider. 

 

Having him back on the Normandy this time though enraged Garrus. He saw the subtitle touches Kaiden gave Shepard, whether it be putting his hand on her shoulder or grabbing her waist lightly to move out of the way. He saw the way they laughed with each other and he felt sick every time he saw it. 

 

And the thing is, Valerie wasn't doing much to ease his nerves either. She took Kaiden on most missions on her, and they seemed to be getting along really well for almost hating each other months ago.

 

Garrus debated on bringing it up with Shepard one night while they had dinner together in her room. He feared he'd seen too desperate for her attention though, and thought maybe the conversation would upset her, so he sat and ate quietly. 

 

“I’m glad Tali is back,” Shepard said over a datapad she was looking at. 

 

“Me too,” he replied back in a tone that made Valerie look at him with a raised eyebrow. She didn’t say anything about it though.

 

The Normandy neared Rannoch to rescue the Admiral. Valerie knew if she was able to save him, they would have the Migrant Fleet’s support in the war. 

 

\----

 

“Garrus!” Valerie called out urgently, he had been taking cover behind a boulder when a geth pyro closed in on him and sent flames into his direction. She gunned it down and rushed for him as Cortez brought the Kodiak in range. Kaiden and Valerie helped Garrus on board and Chakwas waited for them in the airlock.

 

They rushed him to the medical bay and Chakwas began removing his armor, his torso and left arm were severely burned. Valerie stood behind her, her face full of worry. Garrus cursed under his breath at the pain, his eyes fluttered open and closed, his body working against itself.

 

“We have to remove it all,” she said and started taking the plating off his leg and turned him on his side. Chakwas began cutting away at his underwear.

 

“Wait,” Garrus called out, but it was far too late. The back of his thigh was exposed in Valerie’s direction. He tried to turn back to hide it, but he saw her face.

 

He had never seen her look like that before. The expression on her face was of pure shock, her eyes were locked on his mark, her brow furrowed in disbelief. Their eyes met briefly, before she turned and walked out of the medbay.

 


	13. The Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a notification on her computer, it seems like it was nonstop. All of the messages from people in need or those updating her on their war efforts. It all seemed so futile, spending time typing away at a console. The only thing that felt good about spending time writing and reading messages was that she could know what was happening on all corners of the galaxy. She pulled up the new unread message...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short! School started up, I'm trying to make some progress! Short strides, but strides nonetheless. Enjoy.

Shepard sat at her desk, rummaging through files on her computer. She was glad to have Traynor to help her organized, but the more organized things got, the less Valerie could find them. Chaos was always something she found reason in, anything else and she was completely lost. Their work on Rannoch was far from done, and the paperwork showed it, but now they were back on the CItadel to stock up on medical supplies and ammunition. A break was needed as well. They had just gotten the Quarian Fleet, it was time to relax, if only for a moment. She held her face in her hands and groaned. This was exhausting for her, the traveling, the fighting, the soulmark.

 

She didn’t want to think about that now, she turned her focuses elsewhere.

 

There was a notification on her computer, it seems like it was nonstop. All of the messages from people in need or those updating her on their war efforts. It all seemed so futile, spending time typing away at a console. The only thing that felt good about spending time writing and reading messages was that she could know what was happening on all corners of the galaxy. She pulled up the new unread message.

 

**_Shepard,_ **

**_I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk about… stuff. I miss you. I haven’t seen you in a few days. I just need to get some things off my chest, and I want you to know, I never wanted it to be like this. I’ll be waiting around the docking bay, if you’re up for it._ **

**_Garrus_ **

 

She looked at the message for a few more seconds. It never really occurred to her that she hadn’t taken the time to process the situation. 

 

_ How is this possible? He’s a turian, I’m a human, this doesn’t make sense. Why would he lie to me? He lied to me. He lied to me. _

 

As angry as she wanted to be at him, as much as she wanted to hate him, she just couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to be mad. If anything, her heart was broken. She was sad, she thought she could trust him. She had trusted him with her life. That was all gone now, it was gone the second she saw his leg. She thought that if he was keeping something like this from her, what else could he possibly be hiding?

 

Something was pushing her to go, but she didn’t want to get to from the comfort of her room. It seemed like time stood still in here, like there was nothing to worry about. Just her and the Normandy. 

 

She pulled on her hoodie and headed to the airlock, she was going to do something that was hard for her. It was something she hated, but found herself doing over and over again. She was going to give him a second chance.

 

\-----

 

Garrus sat at a table near Normandy’s loading dock, he twiddled his fingers. His nerves got the best of him, and after an hour he didn’t think Valerie would show. He watched the door, then a salarian sitting at a table across from him, the door again, and then an asari and a krogan. He missed her, he knew he messed up, he’d understand if she didn’t come. 

 

_ What if she doesn’t forgive me? _

 

The airlock to the Normandy opened and Valerie came out, she looked around the room, her dark hair swayed as she turned her head. Her lips were a deep pink and her cheeks were rosy. Garrus figured she had probably had a few drinks before coming down. As she continued to look around, their eyes met, his heart fluttered when he saw her soft brown eyes. She walked over to him, her face was emotionless, she didn’t say anything. 

 

“Hey Shep,” he said and stood up, “wanna go for a ride?”

 

She rocked on her heels awkwardly, but nodded. He held out his hand to her, and she smiled slightly, trying to hide it. Her hand grabbed one of his fingers and he led her to a car and opened the door for her. 

 

“Where are we going?” she asked, hoping it was a bar of some sort. 

 

“Somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. But too many restrictions. Top of the C-SEC building. Always one thing from keeping me up there. But not today.” 

 

He looked over at her, she was looking out of the window, watching the buildings go by. The landed on to top of the C-SEC building. They both got out of the car and looked at the Citadel, it was beautiful. Peaceful. It was so different from everything else that was going on in the galaxy. Valerie walked to the edge of the building and sat with her legs hanging over the edge. Garrus followed her. She closed her eyes, she was at peace. Garrus saw that in her, but he also knew she was upset. 

 

“Beautiful view, isn’t it? I always remembered being down there, wanting to be up here,” he babbled on, filling the silence between them.

 

“When were you going to tell me?” Valerie cut him off mid sentence, “If you were going to tell me at all.”

 

Garrus paused and cleared his throat. “I was hoping to, after this thing was over, I didn’t want to be a distraction. No, that came out wrong, I didn’t want  _ it _ to be a distraction.”

 

She was quiet, but finally looked at him. Her face was softer than when she first came out of the airlock. Their eyes met once again.

 

“Either of us could be gone at any second, you know,” she laughed slightly, “we get shot at for a living.”

 

“Shepard, when you… died” his face grew more serious, “I didn’t understand what happen. The mark faded, and I was in a really bad place. Mentally. I didn’t understand it at first, but after we were on Horizon, and I took you to your room, I saw your mark. It all made sense after that. But you were so busy. I didn’t want to get in the way. And what we had going was amazing. I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I’ve been saying sorry a lot to you as of late, and it’s cause I’ve been messing up a lot. But honestly Shepard, you are the only good thing that’s happened to me, since as long as I can remember, but I keep messing things up.”

 

She leaned into him and kissed him, he pulled her into his lap and held her close to him.

 

“I love you, Garrus Vakarian. Mark or not, you’re my best friend. I’ve always loved you.”

  
  



	14. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her hand hesitated to reach for the door, fearful of what was on the other side. She remembered seeing him after the fight with Kai Leng, she pleaded with doctors to do everything they could. They told her they'd do what they can, and all they did was give him a little more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I've been staying up late to finish shorter chapters in hopes that I can get more of the story out! Feel free to comment any suggestions or questions or anything at all :)

Garrus looked at her, he was shocked. He didn't think she'd be so quick to say ‘I love you.’ Shepard looked up at him, she understood his look, his silence. The first time she confessed some sort of feelings towards her, she overreacted to his response. She actually found comfort in his reaction this time though.

“Shepard, I…” he paused. He had imagined this scenario in his head countless amount of times. Most where there was a salty breeze running through her soft, black hair, the sun setting into the ocean, sand between their toes.

“It's okay Garrus, you don't have to say anything,” they stood up and took another glance over the Citadel, “I understand.”

\---------

“Anderson, I can't accept this,” Valerie said as she looked in awe at the apartment that was just offered to her.

“Shepard, I am not taking no for an answer. Being on Earth makes me appreciate what I have here” he chuckled, “I'm here to stay. I'm here to fight. You deserve this. Anderson out.”

Valerie explored the new apartment that fell onto her. She was amazed by the size and luxury of it. A hot tub in the master bedroom, granite counter tops, a fireplace. It was nice thought to her, to have a home that was stationary, somewhere she could come to when she needed a break. The Normandy was her true home, but this was second best. She walked towards the bar and poured herself a drink, then headed to the desk in the lounge.

It seemed like shore leave was far from what this time off was for Shepard. Emails still flooded her inbox and she was tired of it, half of it was spam, and the other half was just bad news she didn't want to see. As she was about to press the mute button, she received a new message. It seemed urgent, so she opened it.

> Shepard,
> 
> My father’s condition is worsening, I’m afraid there is not much time left for him. We are at Huerta Memorial, if you wish to say goodbye.
> 
> Kolyat

Her heart sank. Thane had got the worst end of their last encounter with Cerberus. It seemed like forever ago, but it couldn't have been more than a few weeks. She pulled on a sweater and headed towards the hospital. As she approached Thane’s room. Her hand hesitated to reach for the door, fearful of what was on the other side. She remembered seeing him after the fight with Kai Leng, she pleaded with doctors to do everything they could. They told her they'd do what they can, and all they did was give him a little more time.

“Siha,” Thane said with a cough, he sat up.

“Hello Thane,” she said, “lay down, rest, please.”

“I’m afraid I won't be able to join you again, like I had wanted to.”

“Thane, you have done more than enough,” tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

He coughed more, and it tore at Valerie’s heart. She’d give up everything to take his place now.

“If you wouldn't mind,” Thane cleared his throat and began a prayer. He began a fit of coughs and Kolyat finished it for him. Thane smiled at his son.

“Commander, if you wouldn't mind saying this prayer with me,” Kolyat asked.

“Of course.”

They finished the prayer and Valerie looked over at Thane, he had passed as they recited their prayer, his eyes fixed on the window, looking at peace. Her hands started to shake.

“If you wouldn't mind, helping me prepare a memorial service for my father, and invite those whom he had fought with, that would mean a great deal.”

Valerie wrapped her arm around his shoulder and nodded her head. She left, with memories of Thane playing in her mind.

\-------

Valerie immediately went to the fully stocked bar in her apartment, she grabbed the first thing she could find and put her lips to the bottle. She drank until she couldn't walk straight. Her body slumped on the couch, where she drank more.

There was a knocking at her door and she stumbled over to it. On the monitor, she saw Garrus, holding a bottle of wine and some flowers. The door opened and Garrus came in, Valerie could tell he was upset.

“Hey Shep,” he said, “how you holding up?”

She stumbled around, “I’m fine.”

“Doesn't look like it,” he set down everything and walked with her over to the fireplace. They sat down in front of it and Garrus looked around.

“Wow, this is a nice place, great view too.”

“Mmhm,” she drank again, and some more, and handed the bottle to Garrus. He took a sip and handed it back to her.

“Thane was a great man,” he said, “hell of a shot, and a damn good fighter.”

“Yes he was.”

“Valerie, I know you're not okay.”

She stood up quickly and grunted in frustration, “I don't want to talk about it.”

“We have to talk at some point,” he pleaded with herd “we haven't even talked about Mordin either. It's hard, Valerie, I know, but it will get better once you get it off your chest. You're not a robot.”

Shepard threw the almost empty bottle at the wall and fell onto her knees, tears running out of her eyes from frustration.

“We need to talk about Ash too, huh?” she yelled at him, “And Wrex? Oh and I guess you wanna talk about my family as well.”

“Shepard - I…”

“I don't want to talk Garrus!” she screamed out, pain in her voice. “People are dying all around us. Talking isn't going to bring them back. The only thing that will is taking down those fucking reapers and making sure they didn't die in vain.”

Garrus held her as she flailed her arms and legs and struggled to get out of his arms, but she gave up and went limp after a minute of struggle. She was intoxicated beyond being reasonable, and it felt like she had no fight left in her. A strange noise came from her that he had never heard. This was the first time he'd ever seen her cry. These weren't tears of frustration or anger, they were ugly and awful tears. The tears that stemmed from pain and years of pent up emotions. Snot came out of her nose and her mascara dribbled down her pink cheeks. Her breathing was off as she gasped for air between her sobs. His heart grew heavy, he now knew that even the strongest people have a breaking point. This was hers.

Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms due to exhaustion, crying like that was something she hadn't done in a long time, exerting herself like that was a foreign feeling that used up so much of her. He brought her to her new room. Garrus laid down next to her, he thought of the times he and Thane shared together. He thought about what Valerie must be feeling, losing the people closest to her while life in this galaxy was threatened to extinction. Seeing her cry like that was surreal, he didn't even believe it himself, but that showed him how real this war was, and how much was at stake. He closed his eyes, and hoped that he’d be able to sleep through the night.

 

 


	15. Citadel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Keelah se’lai.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long! I will try to get the next one out soon, by the end of the week! Enjoy!

Shepard woke up in a cold sweat. All she could hear were the voices of everyone she knew that was gone now. From her friends from her childhood, to those who she had just met. Garrus stirred in his sleep next to her, and she slowly got up and walked to the fireplace downstairs. She watched at the flames fluttered and the logs crack under the heat. All she could think about was how she didn't do enough to thank those around her. 

 

She went to her desk and began sending invitations to everyone, asking them to spend a night with her in her new home to have some drinks and remember Thane by it. Just an evening to forget about reapers and just spend time with those who meant the universe to her. Shepard remembered an old saying, her grandmother used to tell her, “you mean the world to me.” That didn't seem like enough now. That was something said when Earth was the only world that humans knew.

 

Earth.

 

The thought of her species homeworld brought back all the feelings of dread. Here she was, sitting in what used to be Anderson’s loft, while he was off fighting off reapers. Valerie admired him, he taught her so much, and she knew she wouldn’t be who she was without him. The one thing she used to hope for before she went to bed is that she was making him proud. Nowadays, she just prayed he was safe, and that she'd see him another day.

 

She wandered around more, looking at his dusty bookshelves, nosing through the data pads that were scattered over the apartment. There was one on the kitchen counter, and she brought it over to a chair that looked out the window. It was the middle of the night, but cars were bustling around, people were saying goodnight to each other down on the ground. She poured herself a glass of whiskey and played the datapad. 

 

There was some random anecdotes from Anderson for a reporter, talking about his experience during the first contact war and his time in the alliance. Hearing his voice gave her a sense of comfort. She wished he was there with her. 

 

“And how is it working with Commander Shepard?” the reporter asked.

 

“Shepard? Damn good soldier, I trust her with my life. There isn’t anyone I trust more,” he replied. 

 

\-----

 

“Shep, you don’t have to strain yourself, everyone knows you’re a bit of a mess anyways,” Garrus said to Valerie as he watched her dust away from the couch. 

 

“I just want to keep this place looking nice,” she said, “and I am not that messy.”

 

Garrus laughed, “if you’re not messy, I’m not Garrus Vakarian, Archa…”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” she snorted, “I get it. Archangel, all around turian bad boy, defender of the galaxy.” They both laughed and waited for their guests to arrive.

 

Valerie greeted everyone at the door with a big smile and hugs to go around. Kolyat looked at her with a bittersweet sadness. Everyone gathered around the two of them, the loft was a faint orange from the candles that surrounded photos of Thane and Kolyat from their travels together. Valerie cleared her throat, the was a slight tingle in the back of it. Too many good people were gone now. Her heart became heavy with the thought that Thane died at the hands of Cerberus, because of Kai Leng. Her determination to end Cerberus now was higher than it had ever been.

 

After everyone spoke of their memories of Thane, Valerie put on some music. She looked around the loft to see everyone mingling. There was laughter coming from Traynor and Joker, Jack and Miranda were actually dancing in the living room together. It all looked so perfect. Garrus wrapped his arm around her, and they enjoyed their night, free of care and worry.

 

\-----

 

Tali held helped Shepard into the Kodiak, she limped and sat down slowly. There was a silence between them, they had just lost Legion, but gained the aid of the geth. It seemed to Valerie that this war was being played out the way she never wanted it to go;  ruthless calculus. Tali was overjoyed that she had a home now, but her duty to Shepard was beyond that, she had actually got around to liking Legion too. 

 

“Thank you, Shepard, for everything,” Tali whispered to her as she sat down.

 

Valerie leaned her head on her shoulder, tired from fighting the geth, almost being wiped out by a reaper, and losing a friend. 

 

“Keelah se’lai,” she replied to her, smiling and closing her eyes. Tali patted her on the head and chuckled slightly.

 

“Keelah se’lai.”

 

\-----

 

Garrus sat in the mess hall reading a datapad and patiently waiting for Shepard. A few minutes ago he had gotten word that she had back it out safely, so his worries were put at ease. At the table next to him he overheard two of the crewmen talking.

 

“Did you hear what happened?” a man who worked down in the engine room asked another man who sat next to him, “Shepard apparently killed another reaper. Single handedly.”

 

“Are you really surprised?” the other man who worked in the kitchen replied to him, “someone can tell me she punched the sun and it shattered into trillions of pieces and I’d believe them.”

 

“That’s my girl,” Garrus chimed in, proudly. 

 

“Are you honestly not scared to sleep next to her at night?” the kitchen hand asked with a laugh, “She could probably kill you with her bare hands while you sleep.”

 

“Oh,” Garrus said sarcastically, “it’s not a matter of  _ probably, _ she can one hundred percent kill me with her bare hands, I just have to make sure she goes to bed knowing what she’ll miss out on if she does decide to take me out in the dead of night.”

 

They all laughed and chatted away more, Garrus loved talking to the crew. He loved human sense of humor, it was all good fun, and they seemed to never take much seriously, unlike turians. Garrus never really felt at home surrounded by his own kind, he felt most comfortable on the Normandy, where there were all types of aliens for him to talk to. Each one of them so different in looks and thought, but rallying together to fight reapers and get drinks on the weekends. 

 

The elevator opened and Tali was helping Valerie to the medbay. Garrus stood up and rushed to her side. 

 

“Hey there, gorgeous, you look like you’ve had a rough day,” he said to her while lifting her up.

 

“You have no idea,” she replied with a laugh and coughed a bit, “put me down, you’re embarrassing me. I can walk.”

 

“Oh, you’re embarrassed?” he said loudly so everyone could hear, the people around them started laughing and watching them, “did anyone hear that? Commander Valerie Shepard is embarrassed to be held like a baby.”

 

Valerie’s cheeks turned red and she smiled, “I hate you,” she teased back.

 

“There, there, you know, if you weren’t so short, I’d never have to make these jokes. Did you know most turian children are taller than you?”

 

“Did you know I let you win that shooting contest?” 

 

Garrus laid her down on the gurney in the medbay and Chakwas came over to examine her.

 

“Sure you did,” he said slyly.

 

“I did, I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” They both laughed and Valerie coughed more. Garrus stopped, he was nervous when she was like this. He knew she was overworking herself. Chakwas put a stethoscope on her back and asked her to breathe in. She coughed more and more as she did so.

 

“I’m fine,” she said in between breaths and Chakwas handed her a cup of water, “it was just a little dry on Rannoch.” 

 

“Garrus, if we could have a minute,” Chakwas asked. Garrus nodded and left them both alone. Once he was gone, Chakwas cleared her throat.

 

“You can’t keep doing this, you know,” she said to Shepard, “I am worried about your health. You keep going and going, I don’t know how much medigel can help you in the next few years.”

 

“Chakwas I…”

 

“Your scars were starting to heal and now they are darkening again, your breaths are heavily uneven now, have you slowed down on the drinking?”

 

“I…”

 

“You can’t drink like this forever, you need to cut back before we have to call up Cerberus for a new liver.”

 

“Well I’ve been…”

 

“Valerie,” she said, more serious than before, “I want you to know that I am so very proud of you.” 

 

They looked at each other, and Valerie smiled at her. “Thank you for all that you’ve done, I wouldn’t be here without you.”

 

\-----

 

Valerie walked over to Liara’s cabin and Glyph let her in. She saw Liara typing furiously away at a console. Her face was scrunched and worried. Valerie had just talked to the Asari councilor, she knew why Liara was upset. Thessia was being decimated by reaper forces, and a vital information on the crucible was located there. Liara’s hands went to her sides and she looked over to her.

 

“Shepard,” she said. Valerie held her hand and Liara’s head hung low.

 

“We’re going to Thessia,” she said, “and we’re going to do everything we can.”

 


	16. Thessia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard rushed to her side. Liara’s expression was blank but she was trembling. Shepard held her face in her hands and looked at her, but her eyes fluttered close. A tear fell from her eye, Valerie wiped it away from her freckled cheek.

Her hands shook, her lips were dry and her palms were icy cold. Shepard looked over at Liara, whose gaze was out of the small window. Her blue eyes reflected the orange flashes from the carnage from below. She sank to her knees. Shepard rushed to her side. Liara’s expression was blank but she was trembling. Shepard held her face in her hands and looked at her, but her eyes fluttered close. A tear fell from her eye, Valerie wiped it away from her freckled cheek. She pressed her forehead against Liara’s, it was soft and cold. She was at a loss for words, there was nothing she could say to comfort her in this moment. There was too much shock and sadness.

When they arrived on the Normandy, Garrus helped Liara to her room. Kaiden walked over to Valerie and handed her a cup of coffee.

“I can’t believe it…” he said to her, “what happened down there?”

“Kai Leng,” she said through gritted teeth. He wrapped his arm around her.

“Are you okay?” he asked her.

“I’ll be okay, we need to worry about Liara right now though.”

“You’re right. You should go talk to her. She needs you.”

Tali walked over to them, twiddling her fingers. Even though Shepard couldn’t see her face, she always knew how she felt.

“Garrus told me what happened. Keelah, this must be so hard on her. Kaiden is right, she needs you.”

Shepard nodded and headed to her cabin. She removed her armor and tossed it on the floor. Her heart ached for Liara, she loved her. She was such a loving and curious soul, which reminded her of her own sister. Valerie pulled a shirt over her head slowly, aching from the impact of shots against her armor.

_Fuck Cerberus, fuck Kai Leng_ , she thought to herself. Her body was begging her for a drink to numb the pain. The pain of losing Thane and Thessia. The pain she got when she held Liara. There were things alcohol couldn't mend, but it always made Valerie feel somewhat better. Even if only for moments.

And as if he knew, Garrus came to the door. He let himself in, as he had been doing for the past couple of weeks. Valerie continued to fiddle around her room, not noticing his entrance. She nervously kicked clothes into corners of her room, moved papers and datapads around on her desk. He watched her silently, in awe of her. He knew she was overworked and exhausted. It was how he felt, and she must've been feeling it ten times over. There were bags under her eyes and she looked like she had lost a few pounds since she got out of Alliance custody. What scared him most though is that he knew she wasn't getting enough sleep, she had been waking up in cold sweats, terrified. There was a night he walked into the bathroom and saw her staring at her hands as they trembled.

“Oh hello, Garrus,” she said, finally noticing his presence, “how's she doing?”

“Not good,” he said as he walked over to her to stop her from nervously cleaning her room, he pulled her into a hug.

“I was just about to go down and talk to her.”

Garrus bent down and sniffed the top of her head, “maybe you should uh… shower first…”

Shepard gave him a face, she lifted her arm and sniffed. Immediately she took off her shirt and headed into the shower, she felt it to be a relief though. Taking a break and relaxing in the shower could buy her some time, and maybe she could gather her thoughts to find the right words to say.

\-----

Garrus waited in Shepard’s cabin for her to return. He was in bed looking at a datapad, reading various emails and some junk messages that were in his inbox. Having moments like this were nice for him, just to relax, no calibrations, no shooting, just deleting junk mail. After a few minutes though, he was bored, and restless, and in need of something more stimulating. He went to Shepard’s fish tank and tried to remember every one of their names, he could remember all but two. Which was impressive to him because she has so many sea creatures.

“Neddy? Neddle?”

“Neville,” Valerie said with a slight laugh when she entered the room.

“Oh yeah, that's right,” he tried to read her face before asking, “how'd it go?”

She grabbed a bottle and glass from the mini bar and went to the bed, “it went well. Liara is strong.”

Garrus laid down next to her, he looked at her worriedly as she drank straight liquor from her glass. Shepard noticed it, and she finished her drink quickly and poured another glass.

“Just to help me sleep…” she whispered, “you worry too much about me. I'm fine.”

There was a silence between them as he wrapped his arm around her. He nuzzled his face into her and breathed deeply. She was so warm and soft, her skin felt like silk to him. He heard her set the glass down and she laid close to him. Their eyes met, and she stroked Garrus’ face softly. Valerie’s cheeks were red, and she was now radiating heat.

“I love you,” she mumbled incoherently, “I love you, Garrus Vakarian.”

“And you are the love of my life, Valerie Shepard,” he told her. His hand slipped to the back of her thigh, tracing the mark that brought them together. She mumbled more and giggled but Garrus didn't understand a word she said because she was talking so fast, he just listened to her, and watched her smile with her eyes closed.

“Let's get married when this is all over,” he said.

Valerie laughed and nodded her head, “you're so silly, Garrus, but yes, let's be married. Valerie Vakarian? Cool.”

“So, what do human do when they make it official?”

“Uhhh…” she said, “it’s complicated. It depends a lot on the religion. Rings! That's right, TYPICALLY a man get down on one knee and asks the lady to marry her and presents a ring.”

“Oh right! I've seen that in a movie,” he said, remembering bits and pieces of human cinema he's seen. “I'll get you a ring then.”

“You're crazy, Garrus.”

“That may be true but why might that be?”

She laughed, “you really think I'm making it out of this alive, huh?”

He looked at her, shocked by what she had just said.

“Shepard, you know I'm a pessimist, but there is one thing I am for sure of; you are going to make it out of this alive.”

She turned her back to him, but Garrus pulled her close again, he heard her sigh. He thought about what they have gone through the past few years. How they narrowly escaped death and laughed it off, how she did _actually_ die and laughed it off. But was time really running thin for her? For the both of them? Garrus imagined a future with them together, since he first met her.

_This can't be how it ends, she has to live through this._

She started to snore softly, stirring in her sleep, he moved her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. The first time she left him he was beside himself, he was impulsive and irrational. What would he do now if she left him once more? He didn't want to think about it, but his brain was always wired to see the worst case. Losing her would mean he loses everything, but what if this is her fate? She seemed so destined to become the woman who defeated the reapers, ever since Eden Prime. The probably she would complete this mission and survive was slim.

But it was still something for Garrus to hold onto.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to update more frequently, thank you for reading! It means a lot to me. <3


	17. Keep In Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt constantly ate away at him for that, but he was working so that they could even have a chance of reuniting. They were getting so close, he could feel it, he never felt so sure of anything.

It felt nonstop to Garrus, the war was taking a toll on him. Keeping in touch with his family was hard enough when planets weren’t being decimated on a daily basis, now it was next to impossible. Any free chance he got he messaged his sister. Small talk was made between family updates, but it just felt like mindless distractions as he typed away at his keyboard. He knew she was alive and well but there was always a hint of worry in her words. Text flashed on his console. 

 

> _ SV: Are you sure you’re doing okay?  _

 

> _ GV: Of course, have you ever known me to be anything else but okay?  _

 

> _ SV: Haha, I guess you are right. I just hope you have other things to distract you while you are off fighting reapers head on. You need to take breaks sometimes. You should get a hobby. Like sewing or something. _

 

It occurred to Garrus that he hadn’t told her or anyone else in his family about Valerie Shepard being his one true love, or even revealed that soulmarks can match a human and turian. His mind trailed off, he pictured bringing Shepard home to his family, meeting everyone for the first time. He laughed, as he thought about his dad meeting Commander Shepard, galaxy rebel, everything his father despised in one person. 

 

> _ SV: You there? _

 

> _ GV: Yes, sorry _ .  _ I have you tell you something…  _

 

> _ SV: ??? _

 

> _ GV: I met someone, she has my mark. _

 

> _ SV: FINALLY. It’s about time. I was starting to think you’d never find her or ANYONE. Who is it? _

 

> _ GV: I’ve actually known her for a while, we found out recently.  _

 

> _ SV: Who is it???? _

 

> _ GV: Valerie. _

 

> _ SV: Shepard? _

 

> _ GV: Yeah _

 

> _ SV: Commander Valerie Shepard? Human Spectre? _

 

> _ GV: Yeah, we’re just as confused. _

 

Garrus saw that she was typing, then she stopped for a few seconds, and then began typing again.

 

> _ SV: Dad is gonna freak, he hates spectres, haha. Mom would love her though... from all I’ve heard about her from you and from the news. She sounds like your kind of girl; brave, reckless, steadfast. I’m happy you both found each other, especially in days like this. We don’t know how much time we have with the people we love nowadays.  _

 

> _ GV: I miss you, Sol. _

 

> _ SV: I miss you too. I gotta go. Keep in touch. _

 

He saw as her name greyed from the list of people on his screen and sighed deeply, his chest was heavy. Solana and his relationship had been rocky the past couple of years, mainly because Garrus was distant and she was caretaker of their mother. Guilt constantly ate away at him for that, but he was working so that they could even have a chance of reuniting. They were getting so close, he could feel it, he never felt so sure of anything.

 

\----

 

“That was for Thane, you son of a bitch.”

 

He watched as she threw Kai Leng’s lifeless body to the ground, her eyes were full of fire, she wiped a bit of blood that had trickled down her cheek from a stray bullet with the back of her hand. More scars added to her face, scars that reminded Garrus how dangerous and unforgiving war can be. He sometimes forgot, fighting along Shepard. Garrus felt like they were unstoppable, as if they were targets that could never be hit, but truly looking at Valerie, seeing how much she had changed in the past three years he had known her made him think.

 

He tried to remember what she looked like not so long ago. She had a round face with a tiny pointed nose, her cheeks were softly freckled, as if she had been in the sun for too long. Her skin was smooth and perfect, not disfigured from dying and being brought back to life again. Garrus often found her in her room, staring into a small mirror, touching the scars with her fingertips, a sadness in her eyes that he could relate to. Shepard’s black hair was longer now than it had been, and it was one of his many favorite things about her. It was like silk that he could bury himself into at the end of the day. Her eyes since then had gotten darker, they used to be a soft brown as he recalled, now Garrus had trouble finding her pupils at times. They were more intense than before, maybe Cerberus changed them, to make her look more menacing than she was. Before all of this, she was just a tiny human with kind eyes and an infectious smile. 

 

Now, with touch ups, she looked hardened and tired. The light she once had in her eyes were clouded, and bags hung heavy from underneath them. Her rounded cheeks were hollow and marked by trauma now. Shepard was almost always bruised from head to toe it seemed like, and carried fresh injuries from the missions she sent herself on. But somehow, amidst all of this pain and change, she could still act as if none of this happened. The clouds would fade, he would see her eyes close as her lips pull into a smile, and her nose would scrunch as she admits a howling laughter that seems to pull everyone else into it. 

 

Seeing her like this though, vengeful and enraged, it was something he hadn’t seen before. It scared him. He thought about what his sister said, and he knew that Shepard was reckless, and he knew that she would risk everything for any sort of noble cause. Her fists clenched as she walked towards the monitor with EDI, he stayed back a few feet to let Shepard calm down after this battle. There was nothing more satisfying to Garrus than seeing Kai Leng’s demise, but it was also unsettling to see Shepard in the depths of her revenge.

 

It seems like a question Garrus had been asking himself for a long time had been answered.

 

How far would she go to stop the reapers?

 

\----

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is coming to an end, can't see more than one or two more chapters. Hope you enjoy! And if you like, let me know. Was thinking about doing a short Garrus POV story after this concludes, so if you have any thoughts/suggestions/comments feel free to talk to me. :)


	18. Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valerie was already suited up and waiting to approach the Sol system when she received a message from Garrus to meet her in the observation deck on the ship. They were nearing their last battle, their last chance to save the galaxy. Shepard felt nervous, she knew the stakes, she knew this would be her last fight, it felt almost inevitable.

There was a slight tap at Shepard’s cabin door, it almost sounded hesitant. She got up from her desk and stretched, everything in her body hurt. Her bones were cracking, her muscles were sore, even her eyes felt strained. The thought of Cerberus fixing he from the ground up yet she still felt 80 years old made her laugh, she guessed nothing could counteract the physical torment she’s been going through the past few years. When she opened the door she was surprised to see Kaiden there, with a bottle of whiskey in hand. He smiled at her, looking already slightly intoxicated.

“It’s not Canadian but I’m sure it’ll do,” he said as Shepard smiled at him. He clumsily poured two glasses, spilling some on a datapad that was on the table. She walked over to him and grabbed the bottle.

“Let me do it,” she said, softly nudging him out of the way. He stood behind her and nuzzled his face into the top of her head.

“You’re so short, I forgot how short you are,” he laughed, “I miss you.”

Valerie stopped pouring the drinks as she felt his arm wrap around her waist. She couldn’t deny the fact that she missed him as well. It was different, she had been held by Garrus for so long she almost forgot what it was like to be touched by soft, warm skin. Kaiden was her first love, the first person who she felt like she could be vulnerable around. She turned around, her head in his chest, and hugged him tightly back.

“I didn’t ever think I’d get to hold you again,” he said sadly, “you were gone, and then you came back, but you weren’t mine anymore. You know me Shep, I don’t think I’ll find anyone else like you. You were my one. I’m just glad I got to touch you again, just once more. Before things go down.”

  
He pulled away, he smiled and handed a glass to Shepard.

“That doesn’t matter anymore, I am happy for you and Garrus, finding someone at a time like this, it’s amazing. I wonder what having a soul mark is like for quarians? They’d have to sharpie it on the outside of their suit, huh?” he laughed more.

Valerie laughed too, “Once we are done blowing the reapers to whatever hell the conjured up from, all of the ladies will be all over you.”

“You think the guys will too?” he said, with a nervous smirk. Valerie paused, realizing what he was revealing to her, she put her hand on his shoulder.

“Of every species in the galaxy, anyone would be lucky to have you, and you will make them so happy. You have made me so happy, and I cannot thank you enough for coming into my life and I want to let you know that…”

He cut her off, “hey now, this sounds like a goodbye. This is not our goodbye. I’m not losing you again.”

Kaiden bent down and kissed her forehead, and gave her another hug, breathing her in, for what seemed like the last time, but he was too stubborn to admit that.

\-----

Valerie was already suited up and waiting to approach the Sol system when she received a message from Garrus to meet her in the observation deck on the ship. They were nearing their last battle, their last chance to save the galaxy. Shepard felt nervous, she knew the stakes, she knew this would be her last fight, it felt almost inevitable.

Shepard ran right into the door, she was too deep in thought to pay attention to her surroundings. It opened and she saw Garrus sitting on the couch, watching the stars go by. The opening of the door startled him, and he got up quickly. He seemed nervous to Shepard too, she was glad she wasn’t the only one.

“Hello Valerie, love of my life,” he greeted her.

“Trying to butter me up before going out on a big mission, huh?” she giggled, “you must really want a spot on the ground team.”

“I actually wanted to talk to you, for a few moments,” he said softly, in an almost serious tone.

“I’m listening,” she said walking over to him, he took her hands and held them in his.

“Valerie, I’m sure you know how much I love you, honey, but you have to promise me something today.”

She didn’t respond, she knew what he was going to say, or at least something along the lines of it. Either way, she had a good guess.

“You have to promise me that you will keep yourself safe. I know you, you are so brave and you care so much about everyone, but if you truly care about me, you would stay alive. Cause I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he waited to see a reaction from her, but her eyes were fixed on their hands. “Please, Valerie, sweetie, indulge your crazy boyfriend. I need to know that you will at least try to keep yourself safe.”

Her eyes finally met his, she opened her slips slightly, but she stayed silent for a few more seconds until she said, “I will try, but if it comes down to it, you already know what I’d do, and I’m sorry, Garrus.”

He sighed and then let out a small chuckle, “honestly, it was the response I was expecting, but as long as you’ll _try_ , I won’t worry too much.”

“I know you’ll still worry, Garrus,” she kissed him.

“There’s one more thing…”

She looked at him curiously, not knowing what else there was to say in the moment, as they were getting so close to Earth. He cleared his throat, trying to swallow his nervousness.

“Valerie, these past three years have been the best damn ride of my life. On the Normandy, here with you. Falling in love with you felt natural, yeah maybe that was the universe’s doing, but I loved every second of this roller coaster. I can’t see never not being by your side, whether in combat or just at the shopping mall or something boring that normal people get to do but we don’t get the luxury of indulging ourselves in,” he let go of her hands and slowly got down on one knee as he pulled out a tiny box with his long fingers.

  
Even with him down on one knee, he was still almost as tall as her. He was able to look her right at her, the stunned look on her face made his heart leap. Tears welled up in her eyes, she’d never imagined anything like this could happen. The future always seemed so blurry to Shepard, it overwhelmed her, but she was feeling pure happiness, something she hadn’t felt in a while.

Garrus opened the box to reveal a thin silver ring, with a small glowing stone that was carved to look like the moon of Palavan.

“I know it’s not a lot, but it’s what I could get, when this is over I will get you a bigger ring,” he said, sounding disappointed in himself.

“Garrus, it’s beautiful.”

“You are my moon, Valerie Shepard. Will you marry me?”

She nodded and the tears spilled from her eyes, Garrus pulled off her glove and placed the ring on her finger. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and he stood up and spun her around as she kissed his face and laughed with joy. He set her down and she looked at her ring.

“Surprised, huh?”

“Didn’t think you’d have it in ya, Vakarian,” she joked.

Their attention turned to the window where they saw they were nearing Earth, flashes of explosions were scattered on its surface. Reapers were everywhere. Garrus held her hand as Valerie watched the carnage from the large window from where she had once seen the wonders of the galaxy. Now, all it showed was loss and desperation.

“Commander,” Joker came over the intercom, “we are inbound.”

They both rushed to the bridge, hand in hand, not knowing what the future will hold, but knowing they had each other no matter what.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Second to last chapter. It's been bittersweet, and I still have the Garrus POV story in the works. Thanks for going on my adventure with me. As always, feel free to leave a comment about anything and everything.


	19. Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His look begged for her to come with him, to get out of this mess. But he knew all too well; she was going no matter what he would say or do.

All that Garrus heard were distant sounds of gunfire. He fiddled with his Black Widow, he knew it worked, but he needed to do something with his hands to distract him for a while. It felt like the fighting would never stop. He remembered when Shepard gave it to him, she was smiling from ear to ear. All he wanted right now was to pick her up, throw her over his shoulder and leave this galaxy. He watched her as she talked to Anderson, they both looked so exhausted. 

“Thank you,” she said to him. 

“If there's anyone that should be thanked, it's you,” Anderson said back to her. They briefly looked at one another, until Shepard threw her arms around him and pulled him tight, embarrassed to break her mold. He held her back and gave her a soft pat on the head.

She pulled away, and walked into the building where her squad waited for her command. Everyone needed a breather, she needed one too. Her chest felt tight, she knew they were near the end. She could taste it on her tongue, she just needed to make it to the crucible, and then everything would be complete. Her eyes scanned the room, there were so many people that she needed to talk to, so many people she wouldn’t be able to. 

Liara was typing away at a console, her soft face had a hardened expression. Valerie made her way to her and put her hand on her shoulder. She turned around slowly, searching for the right words.

“So this is it, isn't it?” Liara said softly, her voice always so soothing to Shepard’s ears, “I don't know what to say. All I know is I'll have something clever to say five minutes from now.”

Valerie shrugged, “it's okay, I really don't know what to say either,” she looked up at her and cleared her throat, “you are my best friend. Thank you for being here with me.”

“I have a gift for you, if you'd like it,” her voice had a hint of sadness to it. Valerie nodded, and closed her eyes as Liara took her hands into hers. The world faded from her mind, and all she saw was Liara standing in front of her, her blue eyes no longer looked despondent. A feeling of peace flooded them both, and stars passed by, reminding them of all they've been through. Valerie’s arms wrapped around Liara’s slim waist, and everything came back into focus. 

“Thank you, for everything,” Liara whispered to her, their arms intertwined around each other, they were so close they could feel each other’s heart beating as one. Shepard didn't want to let go, but their arms returned to their sides, and what was once a joyful beating in her chest turned into cold aches.

Shepard walked over to Tali, she was looking at her omni-tool as usual. She remembered when she first met her, she was so young and innocent. Now, she was fighting in a war that was taking more than she'd ever thought she would lose. Valerie was doing this for her, so she could return to Rannoch once more.

Kaiden looked over at her, and gave her a nod, she nodded back. She thought about what he said before they landed on Earth, that it wasn't goodbye for them. But now nearing their goal, she felt the words he spoke were there to give him something to hold onto, rather than something he thought to be true. He knew as well as she did, that time was running out.

Her eyes found Garrus who was polishing off his sniper in the corner of the room, she was scared to walk over to him. She knew that she wouldn't want to walk away, she knew that they would be saying goodbye. The ache in her chest grew, and she had trouble thinking of what she wanted to say.

“Hey Shepard,” he said as she walked over towards him, he put his hands on her hips, “or should I be saying ‘Vakarian’ soon.”

“Might have to get used to that.”

There was a silence between them, it felt like forever to Shepard, but only lasted a few seconds. 

“So I guess this is it, huh?” he said, looking down.

“Just like old times. Think we’ll be okay?”

“More than okay,” he pulled her close, “we’re going to blow these reapers to hell. Then we’re going to get married on a beach, and live a comfortable life off royalties we make off the vids somewhere warm and tropical. You game?”

“Oh yeah, I like the sound of that.”

Garrus’ voice deepened with seriousness, “James told me a saying they have on Earth, ‘May the you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead,’ not sure if turian heaven is the same, but if this all goes south and we end up there, meet me at the bar.” 

An overwhelming feeling came over Shepard. No longer did the reapers terrify her, it was the thought that what if she does go, sits at the bar, and realizes that there are no other turians around. What if she got to that place after you leave this universe for good, and the one she loves will never be able to join her? 

“I’ll wait for you, so don’t rush to go up there,” she whispered and smiled up at him. 

Her lips met his mouth very softly, almost as if she was afraid he’d break at her touch. Garrus had never felt fragile in his life, but the way Valerie placed her hand on the side of his mandible, he couldn’t help but feel like he could shatter under her delicate caress. When she pulled away, Garrus pulled her closer, not wanting to let go. She trembled slightly, and he nuzzled against her.

“Come back alive,” he put his forehead against hers, “the galaxy would be an awfully empty place without you.”

 

———

 

“Garrus, Liara!” Shepard screamed out. Liara pulled a badly injured Garrus up, and she rushed to his side. They were all so close to the Crucible. She and Liara held Garrus up, his leg was badly mangled and he had burns along his sides, Shepard panicked. 

“Normandy, do you copy? I need an evac right now!” she called to Joker. 

There was absolute carnage all around them, they dodged wrecks and bullets until they spotted the Normandy land a few hundred feet in front of them. The loading ramp lowered and they rushed to it. As soon as Liara and Garrus were inside Shepard turned her back but Garrus grabbed her hand.

“You’re headed back out?” he asked her, pain shot through him and he groaned.

“You need to get out of here,” she replied in a stern tone.

“We’re in this to the end.”

She placed her hand on the side of his face, and looked into his icy blue eyes. He held her hand tight against his cheek, and gave her a look of pleading. His look begged for her to come with him, to get out of this mess. But he knew all too well; she was going no matter what he would say or do. 

“No matter what happens out here,” she said to him, trying to be strong, but there were cracks in her voice, “I love you, I always have, and I always will.” 

“Shepard, I…I love you too,” and as those words escaped him, he felt her hand slip through his fingers. 

Garrus watched as she ran off, back into the gunfire, back into the web of beams that shot from the sky, he watched her until the ramp lifted up.

“She’s going to be okay,” Liara’s voice said soothingly.

“I know,” he whispered back, the pain from his leg was completely gone, the only ache he felt was in his chest. 

\------

“It feels like forever since I’ve gotten to sit down,” Anderson laughed between heavy breaths. He was next to Shepard, looking out over Earth, taking in the view for one last time. 

“You deserve a rest,” Shepard said back to him, she looked down at her hand that had been holding the side of her abdomen, it was covered in blood. Dizziness set upon her as she applied pressure back onto the wound. Anderson grumbled and his head rested on her shoulder.

“Stay with me, Anderson, we’re almost through with this. We’re almost done.”

“You did good, child. You did good. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said and he went limp next to her. She reached out for his hand and held onto it tightly, until her eyes fluttered shut.

———

 

Shepard pulled out her pistol, she knew what she had to do, no matter what the risks were. Her hand trembled as she neared the red light, blood trickled down her arm all the way down to the barrel of her gun. She held her side, and looked down, she was losing a lot of blood, and she was running out of time. The red light blinded her as she went in and out of consciousness. She raised her arm and took aim.

“I’m sorry EDI,” she whispered as her finger pulled the trigger.

The light intensified and she fired again, for the first time she imagined herself in a white dress on a sandy beach, with Garrus waiting for her on the shoreline. She took another shot, and the heat from the light sent her back a foot. She wondered if Garrus would be proud of her right now, or if he’d be upset with her decision. The memory of their first night together filled her head, she smiled though the pain. Another shot rang from her pistol. All she could think about was the other half of her moon as the room filled with a blaze of red.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied about this being the last chapter, one more for sure. I’m not ready to let go of Shepard just yet, there surely is a better ending than this, isn’t there?


	20. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days had passed since the Normandy crash landed onto a planet just outside of the Sol system. The crew was relentlessly working on the ship, and luckily they had a surplus of tech specialists at hand to tend to the ships wounds. There has yet to be any contact with Earth, and whatever signals did come through the comm system was shoddy at best. Everyone was oddly quiet in this strange time.

Days had passed since the Normandy crash landed onto a planet just outside of the Sol system. The crew was relentlessly working on the ship, and luckily they had a surplus of tech specialists at hand to tend to the ships wounds. There has yet to be any contact with Earth, and whatever signals did come through the comm system was shoddy at best. Everyone was oddly quiet in this strange time. It felt like a limbo of sorts, stuck between emotions of happiness and guilt. They were relieved at the sight of reapers being decimated, but there was an uneasiness among them. As they saw the reapers destroyed, they saw the Citadel come crumbling with it, and soon after that, EDI had fallen. Her robotic body was being stored in the AI core room, Tali and Joker spending hours picking at her and the ship, trying to find some way to bring her back. It seemed helpless, but they were at least thankful to be making progress on the ship.

Garrus spent most of his time in the main battery. He tried working quickly, wanting to return to Earth as soon as possible. They all saw the Citadel explode in a red flash, but he wasn’t willing to cast aside the thought that Shepard could still be alive. There were doubts among everyone though, he heard their murmurs in the hallways and at the tables in the mess hall, but Garrus put it out of his mind. The Shepard he knew could survive anything… or at least come back from something along this caliber. He would be getting his work done faster if he didn’t check his leg in the mirror every few minutes. It was still an intense shade of black against his greyish skin, he breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a foolproof way of knowing she was still alive, but it settled his nerves. 

Liara and Tali came into the main battery with a tray of food for Garrus. They had both noticed he hadn’t been eating, and he probably was not getting rest by the looks of it either. Tali looked longingly at him, he couldn’t see it, but seeing him like this upset her greatly. Liara set the food down on a table and called to Garrus to come over to them.

“Garrus, you should eat something,” she said in a comforting voice.

The clattering of keys from his console continued for a bit more until he turned around to face them. Seeing them made his thoughts wander to easier times. It was funny to him that trying to expose Saren as a dirty spectre was less challenging than dealing with the aftermath of the war it started. Garrus felt dealing with anything else in the entire universe would be easier than trying to fall asleep without Shepard in his arms. He missed her smell, her voice, the way she touched him; having Liara and Tali standing in front of him with turian-friendly treats made him miss Valerie even more, he wouldn’t have friends as caring as them if it wasn’t for her. It was as if she was still looking after him, even if she wasn’t there.

“Thank you,” he replied to her, trying to sound somewhat normal, even though he felt far from it. 

 

“It’s no problem,” Tali said awkwardly and held her arms behind herself, “we just wanted to check up on you. We checked up on Shepard’s fish too, they are fed and doing well.”

Garrus didn’t have it in him to go into her cabin yet, he had asked them to feed her fish because he was worried about them. He couldn’t face being in there alone yet, there were too many memories there. Too many memories everywhere. 

“How are you guys holding up?” he asked as he awkwardly held a piece of bread in his hand, his stomach still in knots, not wanting to eat.

“We’re fine, we came to check on you,” Liara said, “Shepard meant a great deal to all of us, and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. How are you? Can we do anything?”

Garrus didn’t want to reply, so he took a huge bite and chewed, stalling until he could conjure up a convincing statement that would put them at ease. The red light flashed in his mind, and his heart ached in his chest once more. He couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Be honest with me,” he said nervously, “do you… think she’s alive? What are the chances? I’m going crazy, you know turians are good at this stuff. Being rational that is,” he blabbered on more, “Maybe I’m just biased but look,” he pulled down his pants to expose the back of his thigh to them, “it doesn’t look faded at all does it?”

Liara and Tali both blushed and looked briefly before directing eye contact elsewhere. They stood there in silence, hoping one would speak before the other. 

“You… don’t have to answer,” his voice was soft and trailed off, “I’m just trying to find some hope in all of this.”

They walked up to him and held him, as he wrapped his arms around them he whispered a thank you. 

“Get some rest, too. Keelah! Have you been sleeping on the floor?” Tali said, looking at a pile of blankets and pillows in the corner of the room. “Go sleep in a real bed tonight.”

“I’m going to be in the comm room later, we’ve been getting closer to receiving full messages, maybe once we start moving the signal will improve. Join me later, if you’d like,” Liara said as she and Tali left the main battery. 

Garrus sat alone for a few moments more, soaking in the love he received from his friends. It gave him strength to get through this, if only for a little while. He finally left the main battery and headed towards Shepard’s cabin. His heart raced as the elevator brought him closer to her empty room. As he reached her door and lifted his hand to open it, he paused and took a deep breath. 

He half expected her to be in there, sitting at her desk in her pajamas, and greeting him with her big smile. It was silent, no tapping of her keyboard or soft music playing, just the hum of the fish tank. It didn’t feel the same as it did just the week before, it felt desolate and abandoned. The desk was still covered in papers, but the pictures that sat on it was the only thing giving the room life right in the moment. There were selfies of him and Shepard making goofy faces, along with pictures of her with other crewmates, and the iconic photo of all of them in her apartment. He found himself walking towards her bed and sat down on the edge of it. Her N7 hoodie was balled up on the floor by his foot. Slowly, he reached down and unraveled it and held it in his hands. He lifted it up to his face and inhaled deeply. It smelt just like her, as if she was just wearing it and handed it to him. 

In that moment, he understood why humans cried, it would have been a good release of all of the sadness and anger and frustration. He moaned heavily into her jacket, a dry sob to compensate the lack of tears, and laid down on the bed, his heart breaking more and more with every heave of his chest. The pain was unbearable, he just wanted her with him, safe and in one piece. He curled into a little ball in the middle of her bed, still clutching her jacket, praying to the spirits she was alive.

\-----

Liara was in the comm room, messing with the console. Static came from all of the receiving signals and she was getting frustrated. They hadn’t heard anything in awhile, and honestly, they just all assumed the reapers were blown to shit. No one really knew what was going on, and that drove Liara insane. There was nothing she hated more than not knowing, she used to be a hub of information not even a week ago, and now she was in the dark, like everyone else. 

Garrus entered in the room and went to Liara’s side. She tapped the console a few times with her hand and the static went in and out. “Any luck?” he asked her.

“Just a few distant words here and there,” she pressed down on the screen, “this is the Normandy SR-2, does anyone copy?” 

The static played again, filling the room. She called out once more.

“This is the Normandy, does anyone copy?”

Suddenly, among the static, a figure manifested in the hologram area and a fuzzy voice echoed in the room. It was a familiar voice, and one that Garrus and Liara were all too happy to hear. 

“Normandy, do you cop…” Hackett’s voice rang, his sentence was cut off.

Liara frantically replied, “Yes! We copy.”

“Reap… destroyed by Crucible… was found...,” Hackett said. The signal not coming all the way through. 

“The reapers were destroyed and what was found, Admiral?”

“Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading along with me, I have enjoyed this. So much so that I'm going to continue this little story on for just a bit longer under another title. I hope you had fun, saving the galaxy with me.


End file.
